My mountains and hot tub vacation

I am back from my wonderful vacation in Asheville, NC with a stop at Hot Springs, NC. Lovely dinners out, time with Lo's friends, mountain drives on the blue ridge parkway, hikes along some river near hot springs and much more.

The hot springs place was amazing for the price. It's this tiny town with natural hot springs. For $30 in the evening and even less during the day they pump the mineral water into private hot tubs for you. 

The hot springs made our skin super soft. Plus how great is it to be in a hot tub overlooking a river with trees all around you. It was lovely and so inexpensive.

I got to see where Lo grew up, we drove all around, hiked and walked the dog to the coffee shop. Everywhere we went we saw mountains. So pretty. I've never lived by mountains before so it's really great to be around them. Although I did feel a bit nervous, not because lo isn't a good driver in the mountains, but just because I am so not used to curvy hilly roads. 

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. And thanks to your advice and a bit of counsel I think we did pretty well with the dog. 

How do you budget for a long distance relationship?

Truth: You can't have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money.

I'm not in any way a college student. I have a full time job and because of that I budget, plan, work towards financial goals. But lately, ironically, all I want to do is spend money on travel. I got in some conversations months ago with a friend about her traveling all the time to see her girlfriend. Sadly I accidentally implied that she was unwise to travel all the time and be in a long distance relationship. Now the "she" is me and I get it. Travel is fun and I want to spend as much time as possible with Lo.

As with all things budgeting is a continuum. I just went looking for a story I heard on NPR about a guy who grew up poor and then realized his parents had been extremely wealthy his whole life. His parents were just hyper-frugal. When his dad died he found he was a millionaire. His mom didn't know any other way to live so even though she had all that money she lived exactly the same way, like someone who was poor. What really is the point of having money if it isn't for living?

Somewhere in this continuum is being intentional about finances, saving and giving money. Not using money all for oneself, using it wisely is something I strive for. But when it gets down to practicalities how does one budget?

I particularly wonder how to budget in the case of money for travel. Flight and gas prices are going up. I'm most grateful that Lo doesn't live further away. At least it's doable to meet in the middle. Hmm. I think we just decided on a meet in the middle trip for May and a flight for June. Still, seriously, how does one budget for a long distance relationship?

Nice place to sit

So I'm crazy busy today but wishing I was sitting here on this stone bench by the water. This is a picture from my vacation. Doesn't it look like a lovely place to sit and just be still for a moment in the midst of a busy day? It was on the Biltmore Estate in North Carolina.

Bambi is everywhere!

I'm still blogging about my silent retreat. We saw deer everywhere running all over the place. And this one in the picture ran right through the conference center area. I caught a shot of it mid run.

Other years I have hoped to see deer. I have taken long walks wondering if I would see many. It was special. This year they are in half my photos.I like the life that's running around in my silence lately. For me deer running around to be encountered everywhere in the silence, in the deep woods, and right next to me prancing through winter snow is a metaphor for joy and life.

What is running around in your silence lately?

Mystery of the Red Penguins solved!

The red penguins from yesterday's post was all about art. Read the comments. You couldn't really tell from the entryway, but the place is called the 21c museum and hotel. It's WAY cool.

http://www.21cmuseumhotel.com/

Wow. Louisville KY sure did disable a bunch of my stereotypes. Although I didn't test, nor did I want to test it's gay friendliness... Although I did do some things that could have been tests of it.

The weekend away - Random red penguins?

I met up with Lo out of town this weekend and saw some good art, ate good food.... Woo hoo. The town/state was one I must admit I had some judgments about before. Louisville, KY. But it was a totally fun place to visit. Home of the Louisville Slugger, Mohammad Ali Center, Kentucky Derby, and some place that makes Bourbon, which we did not visit. And it had this tiny, but cute art museum. We also stayed about 20 feet from 4th Street Live which is this little area of restaurants, bars, and stuff like Border's bookstore.... It proved a fun area to hang out in.

My favorite picture from the weekend wasn't from any of the museums it was the top of a building. So weird. Here's the picture. The building had nothing whatsoever to do with either art or red penguins. I do not get it but it was cool to see.

Anyone else have an idea why someone would put red penguins on the roof of a random building? There was a restaurant somewhere in the building I think but it wasn't named anything to do with this.

Is anyone thinking about going?

Not sure if you all know this but there's a Gay Christian conference going on in Washington DC. It's put on by gaychristian.net and is from January 3-6th. It is not an ex-gay or a change type of conference. It's an accept yourself and bring in super cool speakers conference.

So this is a long shot, but is anyone out there who reads this thinking about going? I am barely pondering it. Having been traveling it seems crazy to go, and I always want more than one reason to go somewhere, but I am thinking about it. So if any of you lurkers or gay christian bloggers who I stalk are going please do hollar. (gaychristianandconfused may be going from what I heard along the grapevine). I haven't bought tickets yet but...

Santa Came to Dinner last night

So last night I met up with a girl from my coming out support group for dinner. The restaurant ended up being this dark candle lit place with a fireplace. I picked it but I really wasn't going for a romantic feel by any means. But still it was super fun. She's an artist so we talked about painting and drawing and graphic novels, which I know nothing about. Besides the art thing and being gay we have hardly anything in common. She is sans-faith/religion and is REALLY into dogs and cats.... I am so allergic! Anyway my point here is that while eating dinner a fully dressed up Santa Claus came into the restaurant with about 15 helpers in hats and they sung three christmas carols. I've never had that happen before. At first I felt really anxious because they were singing silent night and some other hymn like carol. I thought that maybe they were from a church and going to force a hyper awkward moment of handing out tracks or something. But I guess they were from this cooking store down the street and they even gave one woman a present. After I learned that I was glad they visited. It was no strings attached caroling. It's so sad that I assumed they were there for any reason other than spreading joy. And it did. The less skeptical people in the pub sang along, grinned and clapped.

And yes I am going to Texas for a bit to hang with family. I am so grateful it's in Texas this year and that the church we go to will be new to me. Just a change feels good. I am a bit anxious about any conversations that come up due to my coming out this year but I think it will be ok.

And this has nothing to do with anything in this post. It's a video going around the internet. It just makes me laugh.

I go to LA and my favorite part is the coffee

I am currently sitting in bed using wifi at my host's house writing this. Soon we will leave for more training. (after I get dressed). I totally dig this whole having wifi and blogging in bed thing!

So yesterday we wandered through Universal Studios city walk. We barely made it into a few stores with time for me to buy some random trinkets. Training I think is going well and this time staying in someone's house is far better than a hotel. And wow, they make good coffee. The perfect host is one that either loves coffee as much as me, or lives next to a coffee shop.

Let's discuss good coffee. I am a Starbucks addict, but that may change a bit. We've been drinking a blend of Cuban coffee here and it's sooooo good. The people I am staying with used to live where I do. And they said there is a little Cuban store by me that sells coffee like we are drinking for $5-something a pound (which is way cheap). It is supposed to taste just like the stuff they get here in LA at this absolutely stunning Cuban bakery. I am going to have to hook myself up. :)

O also, the people I am staying with also bought me an "In and Out burger" t-shirt.

Yucky weather AND funerals

First of all the funeral was really deep and meaningful and powerful. I've never been to such a large funeral. I'll write more about it later.

Second the weather on the drive back was awful. And third, I've been back 20 minutes and now I'm leaving for the airport to fly to LA. I think I may be crazy! Maybe I can reflect on the funeral while one the plan? If the weather doesn't delay it!

Being found on facebook by the boy

I'm going to post this and pretend it is a post for tomorrow so I can be lazy and not post tomorrow. :)

Today the only boy I ever told or thought I might have had a crush on, found me on facebook. It was weird. I saw his profile and thought, "O he's hilarious" followed by the thought "What the heck was that?"

I remember trying to make myself think about him as much as I did some random girl. O and when I was sitting in Starbucks that day long ago of my telling him, I said: "I think I used to have a crush on you." He looked at me entirely baffled like it was the most weird thing he ever had heard. And it was, because it was like play dress up crush. Like I want to have a crush on a boy because I should kind of crush. Whereas now I have these "Holy crap! I don't know what to do and am trying to slow it down.... unbidden, and sometimes unwanted kinds of crushes."

These are things to ponder when I go to Minnesota for the funeral on Monday and LA next week for work. Actually there are other more important things to ponder at a funeral like, "Thank God I'm alive, and if I died tomorrow what would I wish to do today?" Which I might add is a very very dangerous question. And what would you guess my anwser to that is? Hmmm.

Anyway, he and another friend of mine (a girl) live in LA. I may see them, or maybe not...In the meantime I've got some christmas parties to go to and a major nap to take, O and a $150.00 gift card to Amazon to spend. It's been quite the day.

Non profit work means staying in people's homes

I have escaped to a local Panara to write this (and eat some great pastries!).

Last night I walked into someone's house I just meet with a suitcase, knowing I would stay there that night. I am soooo aware that I work for a non-profit when I am asked if I would stay in someone's home instead of a hotel. I've done this all my life on music and singing tours and mission trips. I think I'm done with it though. I like the people. Their home is nice. But I really prefer the neutrality of a hotel. No matter how lovely or nice people and their home is, it is awkward to be in someone else's home. But you can't really say no thank you. And I don't want to be selfish!

Why don't I like staying in the homes of strangers? Because you have to be "on" all the time. You can't crash after your day. You need to be polite. This morning they suggested I stay there and said there was food, but they already left for work and I sure don't like rummaging through someone else's kitchen I just met. And to be honest I need coffee and wifi away from the "hosts".

So God Bless Panera. :)

Hmmm. I just realized I would not feel the same if this were a lesbian couple or parents of a girlfriend or..... That's interesting.

The weirdest bathroom ever - Amsterdam - Club 11

We went to Club 11 in Amsterdam and it was what I would call an unusual experience. My friend Mariken who lives there recommended it to us. The club itself looked like a pretty normal place, but the walls on the way in and the bathroom outside the place were at times weird, graphic, sexual and some things on the walls seemed racist or violent. For that I don't have any pictures. What I do have is a couple pictures here of the women's bathroom stalls. They had detailed diagrams of a persons internal organs. Wonder why? It was a very educational bathroom I guess. I just googled "Club 11 Amsterdam" and saw this comment on it by someone. It totally describes the experience, except for the fact that we were not there on a weekend and it was closing, so we didn't get the full experience. Um. It was a little scary.

"The entrance to the place is a bit like a disused crack house. You come in through a corridor of grafitti and up in the service elevator - I really thought my hosts were taking me somewhere to kill me! We then entered the most sleek, spacious and stylish looking restaurant I've seen for ages - only in mainland Europe do you get the mixture of slightly bizarre/scary with sleek and stylish"

And this is leftover from when I was in Paris. We arrived at the Eiffel tower right when it started to blink and so I took a couple second video of it.

Favorite moments and things I would do differently

I am sitting in my local Panera, happy to be home after having slept quite well. I uploaded most of my pictures now and can now make a fun little photo book.

Here's my retrospective on the trip:

Favorite moments

1. The last night in Brussels walking through the alley's and square. This included having Mussels, which Brussels is known for, at a super cute candle-lit place in Mussels alley. It is such a beautiful old city. Where I think Paris might be over-rated, Brussels is under-rated.
   
2. The warm cozy relaxing moments in pubs and coffee shops (by myself reading or with J) as well as time with j at her house. (It's a curious house she rents a room in... a lot of nude women art on the walls...)
   
3. The hard but good conversation j and I had in the car.
   
4. Self learning... In particular: J and I talked a lot about what questions we have in our heads when we travel. My question is "What is the best way to get there?" Which was a bit problematic at times because there wasn't really a best way. Her question is "Will we get there?" And the anwser is always yes. This is a much better question to have in one's head.
   
5. The Van Gogh and Anne Franke Museums in Amsterdam. Both were highlights and very powerful.
   
6. Traveling to Brugge by myself. It's such an adorable little town.
   

Things I'd do differently

1. Knowing what I know now I probably would have either skipped Paris all together or spent one more day and tried to be much much more more care-full with my body. The combination of the cold, the strikes going on, missing trains, and getting so sick made it feel like a harsh city. The people I stayed with and the Museum d'Orsey were good but I'm not entirely sure worth the cost.
   
2. Spent one more day in Amsterdam or generally more time in Holland. We were really only there two days. It would have allowed me to spend more time at the Van Gogh museum and we probably would have felt less rushed. (Although timing wise we did need to get back to Belgium).
   
3. Eaten more carefully. Both j and I talked about how eating regularly and eating food that was better for us would have been helpful. This is important for j but I didn't realize it was for me as well. I wonder if part of my getting sick was because of what I ate? Plus Belgium is the birthplace of French fries so it's not a place where you eat a lot of salads. :) Most of all I should have ate a real meal in Brugge instead of so much coffee and beer and crepes and pie....
4. Brought with another camera battery. I couldn't charge my camera there because of the difference in volts. We used j's camera a bunch but I wish I had brought a battery.
   

Thanksgiving for chocolate beer bottles and more

I've had every special food of brussels except for mussels and we may try to look for them tonight when we go to the Brussels Christmas Market. I've eaten Croque Monsieur (a nice kind of ham and cheese sandwich), lots of chocolate, and multiple kinds of beer, fries (which Belgium is known for). My preference for dark beer over light beer continues. Last night I had this great stuff from Trappist Monks in a cute little pub. I'll post more pictures later I don't want to over use the internet connection here. Today I had Leffe beer also a dark beer which was good. So far I have enjoyed my time in Belgium more than I did in Paris or Amsterdam. But of course it makes a huge difference to be with someone I like and in Paris I was sick. But here at least I've seen very unique things. Like the atomium which really was one of the most astonishing buildings in the world. It's Belgium's anwser to the Eiffel Tower.

It's also been really good to be with j. We have had some really good and provocative conversations. The most of which was in the car, in the dark after Amsterdam. We are talking about christian sexual ethics (of some sort) and I admitted for the first time aloud to her where I would go sexually and I have to admit we both got a little angry (for different reasons) and cried in the hardness of the conversation and my anger at the church. But we also talked a lot about this quote below. It's one I like generally from the christian culture. Mostly because it is more spacious that the typical christian rhetoric.

It is a mistake to think that some of our impulses - say mother love or patriotism - are good, and others, like sex or the fighting instinct are bad. All we mean is that the occasions on which the fighting instinct or the sexual desire need to be restrained are rather more frequent than those for restraining mother love or patriotism. But there are situations in which it is the duty of a married (person) to encourage her/his sexual impulse and of a soldier to encourage the fighting instinct. There are also occasions on which a mother's love for her own children or a (person's) love for his/her own country have to be suppressed or they will lead to unfairness towards other people's children or countries. Stricty speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the "right" notes and the"wrong" ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law is not any one Instinct or set of instincts: It is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts. -- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity. page 23

Yes that is a chocolate Santa next to chocolate boobs

Here are some random unrelated observations and thoughts and a picture from Brugge. First though, yes that is a chocolate santa and chocolate boobs in a Christmas display. Only in Europe! (click on it to see a bigger picture)

Style: There are women everywhere in Belgium and Holland (all Europe?) who are wearing tall boots that go up to their knees and these cute knee length skirts. I totally love the look and am going to need to do the same. So cute.

I was brave! I have been a little bit fearful about traveling on my own and messing up and not knowing the right way to be in this country. Today I traveled by myself. At one point I did get on the wrong train going the wrong direction. In the end I figured it out and now I'm a bit less scared here. Have I mentioned I've never traveled on my own before in another country that wasn't English speaking?

Self learning: Besides the major conversations j and I have post Amsterdam....I learned that when by myself in a new town I generally decide where to shop or eat (eg., picking between the 2000 lace stories in Brugge) based solely on liking the worker or the vibe. Also I just realized while in Brugge I don't really love the really old 1800's European paintings of Jesus and Mary etc. Just not my thing. Eastern Orthodox Icons however they are even older and I love those!

Confusing gaydar: Not that I have gaydar! But there are a lot of European women who look butch but they aren't gay.

Today I bought $40.00 in chocolate! Really really good high end chocolate and I was in the chocolate museum. Some of you are really glad you know me now aren't you?

I got a new orange shirt in Amsterdam that I tried on today for the first time and it is my new most favorite shirt EVER! See facebook, flikr. I love it!

Amsterdam - The Homomonument

You can blow these pictures up by clicking on them if you want to see more. Here's the official link to the homomonument website. The Homomonument commemorates all women and men ever persecuted because of their homosexuality. The pictures on the actual website are much cooler, but since I saw it myself here's the pictures I took of the three triangles that make up the monument. I also purchased my first rainbow item, a rainbow belt, right near the triangles. :)

In other news Amsterdam, as expected, was a really thought provoking experience. I will have to write more about it later. In fact I need to journal about 15-20 pages first. It's late here and tomorrow I'm off to Brugge.




The below is from the homomonument website.

Immediately following the end of the Second World War there were calls to establish a memorial to commemorate the gay men and women who lost their lives in the war. However, all efforts to establish a monument failed. It took until the 1980’s, almost 40 years after the war, before the time was ripe. It wasn't until then that thorough research into the persecution of homosexuals in the Second World War was properly conducted.

Homosexuals were persecuted and oppressed under the Hitler regime. Gay men and women simply did not fit into the concept of a strong Aryan nation and they consequently had to be eliminated. Gay men who were arrested and deported to concentration camps were issued a "branding mark" in the form of a pink triangle.

They were forced to wear this symbol on the upper left corner of their jackets and on their right trouser legs. These triangles were two to three centimetres larger than the triangles worn by the other prisoners so that everyone could see from a distance that the wearer was a homosexual man. Lesbian women were classified as political prisoners or as social deviants and were consequently made to wear either a red or black triangle accordingly.

The Homomonument makes a strong statement that history must not be repeated: "Never again". The monument calls for vigilance. The Homomonument does not, however, only commemorate the victims of the Second World War. It commemorates all homosexual men and women who have been, or are still being, persecuted and murdered by government regimes who denounce their very existence. The monument honours the brave gay men and women who have struggled for freedom and the human rights of people who have a different sexual orientation than was and is considered normal.

Eiffel Tower & Other Art

Besides getting sick and the crazy bummer effect of the strike, I did have some fun moments. The Eiffel tower for example. Here's a picture, sorry it's sideways I didn't have time to turn it.

I am now in Waterloo with J and am feeling better. Today I went to a Congolese church in Belgium. I also spent about two hours reading "Tipping the Velvet" in the pastors home of the church while they all spoke French around me. Quite the weird place to read such a book! J and I are going to Amsterdam tomorrow. If you have my flikr account I posted photos thus far.

The one thing I did do in Paris before getting sick was go to the museum d'Orsay. Which I loved! I really liked this guy Ferdinand Holder.

Sick in France....the adventure continues

I am still in france. I was supposed to leave tonight but I got very sick. In fact I really do not ever remember being this sick before. I do not tend to get sick much. I threw up four times in a cute little French restaurant, among other things. I did laundry because all my clothes smelled. Luckily the people I am staying with are really wonderful and I hope to feel better tomorrow. I have also been feeling light headed. Tomorrow I shall brave travel again. I am out a chunk of change because I could not handle the trains today packed as they are because of the strike. I did not want to get sick in a train of wall to wall people. Or for that matter faint.

I did get great pictures though of what I did see before I got sick!