It's also been really good to be with j. We have had some really good and provocative conversations. The most of which was in the car, in the dark after Amsterdam. We are talking about christian sexual ethics (of some sort) and I admitted for the first time aloud to her where I would go sexually and I have to admit we both got a little angry (for different reasons) and cried in the hardness of the conversation and my anger at the church. But we also talked a lot about this quote below. It's one I like generally from the christian culture. Mostly because it is more spacious that the typical christian rhetoric.
It is a mistake to think that some of our impulses - say mother love or patriotism - are good, and others, like sex or the fighting instinct are bad. All we mean is that the occasions on which the fighting instinct or the sexual desire need to be restrained are rather more frequent than those for restraining mother love or patriotism. But there are situations in which it is the duty of a married (person) to encourage her/his sexual impulse and of a soldier to encourage the fighting instinct. There are also occasions on which a mother's love for her own children or a (person's) love for his/her own country have to be suppressed or they will lead to unfairness towards other people's children or countries. Stricty speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the "right" notes and the"wrong" ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law is not any one Instinct or set of instincts: It is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts. -- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity. page 23