Today after sleeping until past noon, which I haven’t done for about a year, I wandered to Starbucks. There’s a new one in my neighborhood. The first time I walked in I knew eleven people. Let’s just say it’s not the coffee shop I’d go to meet a “new friend”. But I’m still glad it’s there. There goes all my money. I spent some quality time thinking about stuff in "Creating a Life Worth Living". It's career planning type of book for artsy people that don't want or fit the typical 9-5 career planning thing. I HIGHLY recommend it!
Then I sat in the library right across the street from a folk music festival. This means I had the best of all worlds: the music festival world, the air-conditioned wifi world, and the book world. Quality worlds, all three! I’m such a fan of multi-tasking don’t you know.
I checked out the following books:
- Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg (e recommended it I think to educate me)
- Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson. Blogger "dirty feet and lily white intentions" recommended this book. Winterson is also the author of "Oranges aren’t the only fruit. which I read a while back.
- A travel book on Belgium (Foders)
- A travel book on The Netherlands (Lonely Planet).
Stone Butch Blues is gut wrenching. In the “I’m going to have to look away it’s so intense” and in the “I can only read a chapter before I want to set the world on fire” kind of way. I just read a chapter and I am holding my breath and livid at police cops and people who beat, shame, and harm anyone who is different!
And not that it's totally related but this has somehow combined in my mind with a nightmare I had sometime this morning where I was fired from my job for being gay (which actually can happen because of where I work). While they were firing me, some other “they’s” went to my house and boxed up everything and sent it away. I spent rest of the dream driving around trying to get my stuff back with some guy I don't know.
I'm noticing that I seem to have a pretty strong pendulum shift that goes from: I can do this dual christian gay identity thing. I love God, I want to be in and impact the church, I can stay in community... To: Arrrrgggg. Damn it. They will fire me if they know, probably even if I’m celebate like they did that professor at the university. And if they know I'll never get any of the dream jobs I want. Screw them I quit!
Today I’m in the screw them I quit side of things. I am skipping church tomorrow. Lately I do find reading Henry Nouwen’s spiritual journals an aspect of church stuff that’s really soothing. Perhaps that will be my church.
Sorry for the hyper long post. It’s one of those days.