While getting into bed the other night I stepped over an Anne Lamott book laying on my floor. And there collided in my mind my recent conversations with people who feel protective when I am vulnerable here, with the stunning vulnerability of Anne Lamott.
Lamott shares much more vulnerably than I do (in a much more well written way). In fact it is why her books are so powerful. One reason people long for this type of sharing is because we want to know the everyday manner in which other people work through things.
I don't know about you, but I find people say things like: "Just pray about it. Just do ______. The bible says..." When what people want is a showing of life, not a telling. My biggest issue with sermons is when pastors stand up and say something like "You will find you change as you read your bible and pray” or some other kind of pulpit platitude. I don’t want to hear generalizations I want specificity! If you are going to say that in a sermon tell me a story about something real you struggled with and why and how what you did or thought about changed you. Connect the dots.
In this process of titrating me and my sexuality (and tons of other things in my life) I’ve spent untold hours reading other blogs, mostly Christian lesbians, and the soulforce forum, trying to hear their stories. Why did/do I need that? Why do we need these types of voyeuristic blogs anonymous or not? Because it helps us know we are not alone. In particular when we feel we are the “only ones” or that “no one understands” it gives us a chance to have a community when we we haven't figured out how to re-fit in ours or find a new one.
And yes when it comes to blogs I totally admit I am a voyeur. And in the beginning especially, besides talking with zuzu, I read a ton of the older posts on Deb's blog and I read this blog, and then started finding other blogs of christian lesbians blogs like: Gay, christian & confused, rising up whole, 51% sure, and light of dawn. Why? Just to know I wasn't the only one wrestling this out. Because sometimes I felt dumb asking some questions.
And so I blog a bit similarly. Because the books I crave are books by people who share vulnerably and share things other people don't. And the blogs I read are ones that are a bit more on the vulnerable side.
I bet that for every person that fears sharing too much on the internet (which does happen!) there is a person that needs to read an authentic post from someone similar to them to know they aren’t alone.
As an added bonus/perk of being in a blogging community sometimes you get to meet new people. This blogger and I are having coffee tonight.