I do not want my weekend to end. It was really great as far as "alone, SARK" weekends go. Beyond my previous post: I went running twice, went to the beach to read twice, painted (which felt so great! like meditating), had wine, coffee, read tons of books, took walks, prayed, journaled a ton (you would think I would run out of things to write), rollerbladed a bit... Good times.
The most significant things I did this weekend however, was write a first draft of the letter I am going to send my parents and brother and sister-in-law to tell them I am gay. And secondly I called my sister-in-law's mom "C" to tell her verbally on the phone. Which might seem odd but this is why.
"C" is amazing. She has been a counselor for a long time and is very well respected. She's adopted me in some ways and she knows my family. I called her up and I said "I'm going to out myself to my parents soon and I wanted to see if you had any advice." She was really wonderful to talk to about my various family members, had some advice and agreed with my plan.
My plan is this: My parents go on a cruise Aug/Sept. After their cruise (Sept.) I will send the letters I've written, and some books. Then since I'm going to Belgium for Thanksgiving, they will have until Christmas to process it.
C agreed with my plan. She reminded me of how much they love me, how they won't disown me. We talked about how it's probably best to tell them stuff in stages. (eg. They probably will be able to adjust to me being gay, but it will take a lot longer for them to adjust to me ever dating.) Stage one: I'm gay. (Stage three... I'm dating - when/if I end up dating). I'm not dating right now so that's actually helpful. A lot of people I've talked to lately are increasingly ok with me being gay if I am celibate. And that is an entirely different blog post for some day in the future. What a lonely painful life! Ug.
Ironically enough this semester for my counseling degree I am taking "Family Therapy" which will come in handy I think. :)
The thing that was most striking about my conversation with C was this. Three years ago at my brother and sister-in-law's wedding I met one of C's longtime friends. I had one conversation with her, and it was about counseling in general (my schooling). This woman is also a long-time, well respected counselor. And she is really intuitive! After that one conversation, in which I never mentioned being gay at all. She said to C, "One of these days she is going to come out." And they discussed it and me and how I would be. So basically these two amazing counselors have known and cared about the future day I was going to tell people for the last three years! I kind of like that.
It's going to be a crazy fall!