Below is one of two drafts. The first draft I have is much shorter than this because I eliminated all the resources and have a bit less explanation. I'm still trying to decide if I will send the short version or this longer one. I'm going to send one of them today. I am mostly posting this because while writing this letter I kept wishing other people had posted what they said to their families so I could use it to brainstorm what I would say.
This is one of those letters that may take some time to process. Take as much time as you need.
I'm writing to tell you that I'm gay. I've known or suspected for years. This is hard for me to tell you because I fear your response. I didn’t talk about it before both due fear, but also because for years I have been attempting to ignore it, heal it, or change it…but it hasn't worked. Counseling has really been fantastic, but it hasn't changed this part of me. I do believe that it has been positive, though, resulting in healthier relationships and less self hating.
You probably have a lot of questions. I invite you to ask them, but I honestly can't guarantee you that I will be able to answer all of them. All of this is truly a journey for me, and I acknowledge that it will be for you as well. It has taken me 10 years to finally accept and understand who I am, so I do not expect you to understand everything right away.
My friend Mike who is also a Christian and gay said his family (His dad is also a pastor) found having some resources helpful. I don’t want you to think that because I’m giving these to you I’m trying to impact how you think and feel about this. In fact I haven’t read some of the books. But I’m sending them to you because Mike’s family found them so helpful. I have explored the websites below. If any of this helps keep it, if it doesn’t throw it out.
* Coming out as Parents by David Switzer (MIKES PARENTS LIKED THIS BEST)
* Pastor am I Gay by Howard Bess
* The Family Heart-A memoir of when our Son came out by Robb Dew
* What God Has Joined Together by Letha Scanzoni and David Myers
* Straight Parents Gay Children by Robert Bernstein
* Homosexuality and Christian Faith by Walter Wink
* What the Bible really Says about Homosexuality by Daniel Helminiak
Two books I have read and found helpful for me:
* Waiting for the Call, from Preachers Daughter to Lesbian Mom
by Jacqueline Taylor
* Stranger at the Gate by Mel White
When you are ready I hope to hear your thoughts on this. I think we have good relationships in our family and even though it may take time I hope my sharing this part of my journey makes them even more open.