Monday, February 4, 2008

The end of the being outed by netflix story

So the blog post that has gotten the most hits here is the one about how I was almost outed by a netflix friend invite. It was about a friend I wasn't ready to come out to who asked to be my netflix friend. I didn't know then you don't have to share all the movies you watch with a friend.

This is the rest of the story. Friday night while out for appetizers and drinks I outed myself. I was trying to encourage her to do online dating. To which she started sortof egging me on to share why I thought it was a good thing, and asking about any "he's or him's". So I said after a accidentally dramatic pause. "I'm gay."

She responded pretty well. Said she wasn't super shocked and asked if she was the last to know. I said, "pretty much". I explained how when I told her about cutting her response was painful silence in response, so I felt afraid to ever share again. She apologized for her silence, saying she didn't know what to say. I told her I know the timing was awkward, but when someone shares something that huge even if you just say "I don't know what to say or ask, but I care." Do it! Silence does NOT feel good. She was not silent in response to my sharing this time. She even checked in to see if she had responded alright. I said she did. And then we started tracing back all the moments where I sidestepped the conversation of me being gay.

I must say I also found out I have amazingly stunning friends! She is good friends with people who know I am gay and not one of them outed me to her, and it's been almost a year since other people knew. :)

While driving home I said "Well, now I can be your netflix friend." To which she exclaimed "That's why you wouldn't be my netflix friend!" with quite a lot of strength.


~Deb said...

Sometimes silence is like a slap in the face. You truly know who your real friends are once you 'out' yourself. :)

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh! I can't believe you didn't text me or something to let me know about this HUGE event!! I'm totally proud - of you AND her response. Go you.


Casdok said...

I know the silent treatment to. Not much fun.

Random Reflections said...

I've had friends who I've told some pretty big stuff and they have just responded in silence.

Last weekend I was talking to a friend about people who respond with silence and that if someone tells you something pretty major they should at least have the decency to respond by saying that they need a bit of time to think about it. He just said to me "you can't judge other people by your own standards", which I guess is true.

Some people just don't know how to deal with difficult things, but that can be pretty hard to take when you're the person who is rejected.

Anonymous said...

just wanted to say 'online hi' - and good job - and you will need to give me the longer version later :) - LV

Zuzu said...

Wow.. I'm so proud of you. This has been an amazing year for you in finding and speaking your truths. It takes courage. Much love to you! - Zuzu

titration said...

deb - this is true. Pretty much my friends have been amazing and responded better than expected. I was just scared about this one because of her response to cutting.

tc - I would have texted you but you are on vacation...?

casdok - thanks for relating. :)

rr - I don't know if I agree with your friend. eg. This friend of mine and I are REALLY different. But I think if you are caring about someone who is different than you to care about them means you care their way, not your own. But maybe I'm off on this???

And zuzu - thanks. Kiss the baby for me. :)