If you are family or work with me (with the exception of zuzu or T) do skip this one, k?
I am awake on time this morning which always makes me glad because I can get my blogging, daily action (from that Creating a life worth living book) done all while sitting in bed drinking coffee before work.
I have counseling tonight for the first time in a long time (two months or more). I'm thinking about what I should process... My parents and their desire for me to see this other therapist whoever she is. My self talk lately has not been all that healthy. This I should talk about. It's kindof like when you have a crying baby and instead of comfort it you hold it out from you and yell at it because it's crying. In case you are wondering this does not work. That baby would be my body.
So what I'm not blogging about but want to, is dating, not dating, sex, virginity, the things I don't get. I have questions some I can figure out and some I can't even put into words yet. I am so blasted inhibited that I struggle to ask things. And it's easier to do it on a blog but really dumb as well to post this kind of crap online. Obviously I only care about that a tiny bit. I have questions like: Is there anyone, who when they are really honest if they did life again would have stayed a virgin all their lives? Last night the woman I was talking with told me about hearing stories about nun's and priests who were gay and weren't so very celibate. Is it even possible? Does virginity do harm? Is anyone at all telling the truth about virginity, or sex for that matter? Why does all the rest of the world seem to think virginity's a stupid thing to do? Arg! Am I being lied to? Does fisting hurt? Don't ask. Why shouldn't I? Why should I? Does God care at all about this? What if I'm a virgin not because I was sheltered but because no one would want me? Is sex a need or a want? Do people who have had sex with more than one person feel messed up because of it like the church says? I do not think so. And 20,000 more I'm sure which are either half birthed or half aborted in my head.