Awww Crap.

I am not entirely sure why, but this afternoon I got home from coffee with a friend and was hit with this feeling like I just got hit by a mac truck of sadness. It flattened me for a bit. Either it's authentic grieving or it's a chapter three or four moment. Let's say it's chapter four since I'm blogging, naming, and going to go to a New Years Eve party which I think means I'm not in any major hole but aware of it. I keep thinking of this metaphor lately, so maybe I'm trying to force apply it, but I find applies to small patterns in life and big ones.

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK Autobiography in Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson Click on a chapter heading to learn more.
Chapter One I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost .... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.	Chapter Two I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend that I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.	Chapter Four I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter Five I walk down another street.