Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The letter I sent today to my parents

This is the second version of this letter that I sent out earlier. It's slightly adapted to be parental focused but it's still pretty similar. And I'm just posting it here to have a record of it.

Mom & Dad

This is one of those letters that may take some time to process. Take as much time as you need. I wish I could warn you for what I am about to say but I can’t.

I'm writing to tell you that I'm gay. And I want you to know that I am not gay because of anything you did or didn’t do or because of anything that happened to me. You are great parents! This is hard for me to tell you because I fear your response. I didn’t talk about it before due to fear, but also because for ten years I have been attempting to ignore it, heal it, or change it…because I didn’t want to be gay. Counseling has really been fantastic, but it hasn't changed this part of me because this is part of who I am not something to heal. I do believe that counseling has been positive, though, resulting in healthier relationships and less self hating.

You probably have a lot of questions. I invite you to ask them, but I honestly can't guarantee you that I will be able to answer all of them. All of this is truly a journey for me, and I acknowledge that it will be for you as well. It has taken me 10 years to finally accept and understand who i am, so I do not expect you to understand all this right away. Know though that I am still me, still your daughter, still (_______), still a Christian.

I anticipate that this is hard for you to hear and I wish it wasn’t but I have decided I can no longer keep hiding. I hope when you are ready you can find someone outside your church to process this with. (_______), who I think you know, are open to talk with you. Their son “came out” to them a few years ago. There phone number is 000-0000. I actually don’t know them but am friends with their kids. You can also talk with (_______) or you could find a local Parents and friends of lesbians and gays (pflag) group or a counselor.

My friend (_______) said when he told his family they found having some resources helpful. I don’t want you to think that because I’m giving these to you I’m trying to impact how you think and feel about this. But I’m listing these because (_______)'s family found them so helpful. I have explored the websites below and found them helpful. If any of this helps keep it, if it doesn’t throw it out. (_______) mentioned the website gaychristian.net as something that was helpful for them to read.


* Coming out as Parents by David Switzer (_____ PARENTS LIKED THIS BEST)
* Pastor am I Gay by Howard Bess
* The Family Heart-A memoir of when our Son came out by Robb Dew
* What God Has Joined Together by Letha Scanzoni and David Myers
* Straight Parents Gay Children by Robert Bernstein
* Homosexuality and Christian Faith by Walter Wink
* What the Bible really Says about Homosexuality by Daniel Helminiak

Two books I have read and found helpful for me:
* Waiting for the Call, from Preachers Daughter to Lesbian Mom
by Jacqueline Taylor
* Stranger at the Gate by Mel White

When you are ready I hope to hear your thoughts. I think we have good relationships in our family and even though it may take time I hope my sharing this part of my journey makes them even better and more open.




Random Reflections said...

Very brave. Well done. I hope your parents react in a positive way to the news.

JJ said...

If the Wizard ever gives me some courage, I might just borrow this letter, if you don't mind. (Adapted as it would need to be for my situation).

And yeah, this virtual community does help. Thanks for... you know... being.

just me said...

random reflections thanks for your visit and I hope so too.

jj - don't you wish there was a wizard! And yes totally steal whatever you want. :)

Zuzu said...

You're the bomb. I'm SO proud of you. I imagine that was very, very hard to send and well... YAY you! I think you're finally giving your family the opportunity to show you, truly, how "perfect" they really are - and I hope, for your sake, that they don't disappoint you. If your brother's reaction is any indication, I have a feeling it will be fine. Thoughts are with you!! - Zuzu