In case I swoon maybe I should warn people

So "Y" asked in an email today if I want to "engaging in the possibility of dating". And I'm still trying to go very slow. And I also really like spending time with "E". Um. I don't know quite what to do with this. I've never dated and now I... So I coped like I normally do, I read other people's blogs online. And what I found didn't really help me, in fact I may now have another dilemma. Swooning.

So I'm reading this blogger who I don't know. I just like the way she writes about her journey. She is one of the many bloggers I read who is working out what it looks like for them to be gay and christian. And I am finding her post interesting it's all about how she can't join in on the conversation with her straight friends when they are saying what actor is cute after watching a movie. And I get to this paragraph (which you can read at the end of this post). And I'm reading along because it's quite a run on sentence. And I get to the line "I like girls" and I felt a bit light headed, swoon like, just because I read those words on some random girls blog. So pretty much I've decided that I'm in trouble. (P.S. If you don't know me I am mostly serious here even though sometimes I'm prone to a bit of exaggeration).

I thought to myself (because who else does one think to), I'm going to have to warn people. I imagined having to have a conversation with a date. I explain to them how I'm a bit sensitive and prone to light headedness at the mention of liking girls or girls liking me. And so if they ever express like of me or their like of girls in general I may need to be sitting down. And that's not to mention my fears about kissing. Some days I think I'll be fine. Then other days, like today when I read this blog, I think "crap!" What if I'm kissing someone and I just pass out right then and there. Maybe I should ask that they make sure not to kiss me where I could hit my head. Summer's coming so maybe some grassy area or when I'm already sitting? Hmmm.

Dang nabbit. This is what happens when you have someone who decides to finally open the door a tiny crack on the room that holds sexuality, after it's been in a tight padded solitary visitor-free cell it's entire life.

O, and here's the random quote. It doesn't make a ton of sense out of context but...

....but what is it that I would have done? Thought a woman was pretty? Possibly even sexy? Is that lust? I’ve explored this issue before, so if you’ve read my blog you know I don’t… but if it is, then I have to say that I’ve been a witness to pretty much all of my married friends expressing lustful feelings for people who aren’t their spouse… not that that would excuse my own lustful feelings… I’m just pointing that out. Besides, I simply don’t think it is. I’m gay. I like girls. And as I’ve said before, finding an actual, flesh-and-blood female attractive is a natural symptom of being attracted to females. (From this blog post)