The next ten feet

A favorite analogy of mine is how car headlights work while driving. No one ever knows the future and we can't see beyond ten feet as we drive down the road of life. All we know is that as we move forward we can see the next ten feet. I think I've moved forward more than ten feet in the last months.

Here's where I was driving in life.
Several years ago I went on a dating website. Although I was never much interested in guys I was embarrassed about my lack of dating and thought that I should do something about it. I was on for over six months and went on two (sortof) dates total. I initiated both of them. Everything about the process was slow. Both because of this websites stages that one needs to go through and because I didn't click with them. I was still in my "I need to be healed" phase, thinking if I dated I'd be attracted to someone eventually. I remember thinking logically about potential people. I would look at profiles online and think about what we had in common. Both outings left me feeling drained and apathetic. I didn't think about the people before hand much and didn't think about them afterwards.

Many feet later...the current ten feet in the headlights
In an attempt to be a risk taker on a totally different website, this time looking for women, I went online. Someone sent me a wink almost immediately. And she's cute. And a christian of some variation. And very athletic. And I've been thinking about her, and grinning a ton and I don't even know if we will like each other. The comparison of these two experiences for me is telling.

For years I have had this sortof butterfly nervous feeling before seeing certain friends of mine, or just while thinking about them. I started noticing it when I would drive into high school. Generally it was associated with anticipating seeing a particular girl at school. And I always was really frustrated because I couldn't name the feeling. I thought something was wrong with me or that I was scared of her. It's the same feeling I feel now. Except I now realize the fearish feeling isn't fear it's a hopeful anticipation or maybe the start of a crush? Hmmm. We shall see.

The next ten feet are a date with her. I'm totally grinning!