I am aghast at three things this week:
Item number 1: There is a church in northern MN where my friends mom was asked to step down from being on the worship team because her husband left her. She did not want him to leave. She couldn't make him stay. It was quick. They are in counseling together. And it now looks like she may not be on it again ever unless they are reconciled. Like she can control that! Another family who goes to this church and my friend are going to be deciding what they will say in response this weekend. Like this woman isn't struggling enough?
Item number two. This same church had a four week sermon series on "Modesty". I obviously don't know what was said, but I do bet the focus was on women's modesty. The crazy thing is that the women didn't think "this is crazy!" they took it another step. They did this of their own volition (not because the pastor told them to). A group of women (not my friend's mom from above) followed this with "a burning" where they burned all the clothes they had that they deemed immodest. This is rather ironic because I've been to rural MN and I don't think I've ever met anyone who lives in rural northern MN who looks immodest. Who does that in 2007? Have a burning! O my word!
Item number three: At my church there is a choir being put together for anyone who wants to sing for our kick-off Sunday. You just need to let the office know you want to be in it. A friend of mine did so and was told they had to talk to him first.The thing is, you know there are people in this choir who are actually sinning in the biblical sense and don't have to talk to the pastors to be in the choir. They just haven't said anything. I wanted to talk to the pastors about this. My friend asked me to wait and let it die down. (edited after b's comment) :)
And the church wonders why people keep leaving in droves! My issue is that everyone messes up. No one is ever perfect. And it looks to me like only the people who vocalize what they are doing, or vocalize (in the case of being gay) who they are—get punished. Probably half the church or more is doing something that would get them kicked off the worship team. Are these two churches just encouraging a christian version of "don't ask, don't tell"?
Why do I still love the church? I do. I don't know why. I still hope in it. I still see great things in it. AND some days it all seems hopeless!
4 comments:
your rhetoric points to homosexuality falling into the same category as 'messing up' and 'not being perfect.'
not sure if it was intended this way, but i think it points to your struggle with your sexual identity still being something you consider wrong instead of a part of who you are. make sense?
to me it is absurd as saying you may not sing in the choir if you have brown hair. sounds crazy since you can't help biology and genetics.
did the church come right out and say 'if you are a homosexual you are not allowed to sing in the choir?' just curious.
b
Totally didn't intend it that way. I do not think anyone who is homosexual especially anyone in a monogamous relationship should be excluded from singing in the choir. But my church seems to. Well I think so, I haven't yet talked with them yet on this per-my friends request.
No they didn't say that. They wanted to talk to him first. This is the second or third time however he's been talked to. I should learn more....
I have a lot of relationships that are like this. I see things in my friends, their actions and deeds, things that I think are hypocritical and/or "wrong." Interestingly, just because I think they are "wrong" doesn't make me think they should change (though sometimes, yes, there is room and ability to change and negotiate change) - they are who they are - with those parts. I don't leave them - I still see the good in them, the hope in them, there's still something there that draws me to the relationships. I'm not "done" with those relationships ... (yet?) I have ended relationships from time to time (with friends, occasionally, with lovers.. well, certainly) - on this matter I've followed the dictates of my heart and conscience.
My point there mostly is that I think it's a healthy process to examine your relationship with the church critically and it's a healthy process to stick with relationships to their (bitter?) end - that end may or may not come in this lifetime - or, if you all are right about this "eternal life" thing, maybe never (good luck with that!)
Of course I think these are all erroneous constructs. Even this, what I view as a rather prudish fixation on monogamy. While I would concede that it's "wrong" to betray someone - if you're in a committed and monogamous relationship and you have relations - sex, whatever - with someone else, that's betrayal and that's wrong. People are able to, with integrity and honesty, negotiate non-monogamous relationships that are healthy and healthful. I'm not saying that all non-monogamy is the same, but in and of itself there's nothing patently 'wrong' about it.
I feel like I can say that and not discard Christianity outright. I don't think God or Christ was as fixated on their naughty bits as "Christians" are. I bet if God were standing next to me right here, right now, s/he would kind of nod and say, "Oh, yes, yes, people should be kind to each other and not fuck around too much. Try to love one another and respect one another and if the bastard beats you or leaves you, move on and forgive as best you can. But all this business about sex and relationships, blah, blah, blah, I hope you don't think that's what the word of God is all about. That business was all thrown is a guideline... not a rule.. per se... you know.. figure it out and move on. If someone's dwelling on it all too much, they're rather missing the point now aren't they?"
Okay.. I could be wrong about that.. but I could be right. (grin)
Got the book today!
Hmmm. I think I muddied the waters with my monogamy comment. Anywhoo. Ignore it.
Glad you got the book
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