Woh. You say it!

Hope and good people

Today I had a really short chat with L.O. (co-worker). In our conversation she renewed my hope in the church and my workplace. To be honest even though a lot of folk know and are supportive, the incident which I wrote about (and then hid because I was nervous about it being too visible) shook me up. I suppose it would shake anyone up to have a close friend talking about how she shouldn't be in her job etc. because she's gay. It made me feel yucky about everything in this community just because of that incident.

Anyway. This a.m. I had a minute or two to ask L.O. about her conversation with ae. I was hoping since they are both more conservative ae would at least hear her. I have no idea if it helped ae but hearing even one or two things L.O. said renewed my hope in all of humanity.

She said to ae that she knows the word of God but that (insert my name) is a living breathing human being who has gone through a ton of hard stuff. Then ae I guess talked about all the "ministry" I've done to her and how she can't understand how this is me. And L.O. said that this is still me. That I was able to be there for her because I am a person of faith and that I am still a person of faith. She actually said it much better than that.

What was most moving to me is that someone stood up for my character. When I come out to a conservative friend it's hard for them, and they suddenly think that I have turned into an awful person, that I'm sleeping around, or who knows what! But nothing changed in me. I said one truth, which has been true for a long time, out loud. So when someone who they respect (since they no longer respect me) says to them "She is a person of faith" it makes all the difference in the world.

Judgement begets judgement

First of all warning this post for me is therapy and just a vent to get it out. 

So for a chunk of time I've not read as many blogs about what people are trying to say to explain who I am. I've had less interesting stuff to vent about here but it's less stressful. I'm sorry if you all have been bored by that. :) But, every great once in a while I read some of Warren Thorkmarten's blog and I did so tonight. 

Even though we think somewhat differently, at least he critiques bad research and I don't feel as judged by him or his writing. He has a critique here of a NARTH fact sheet on female homosexual development. Reading the parts from the actual fact sheet I felt like someone said "hey I've decided you are fucked up (even though I, my family, my community, my professors, my pastor, counselor, and bosses, would say the opposite.). Holy crap people, I am a person here and this fact sheet is NOT MY STORY!

For example, here's just one quote of many from this Narth fact sheet that pisses me off. 

Women who deal with same sex attraction, possess a history of disindentification with their mothers, and therefore with their femininity. This leads to a longing for connection with the feminine that becomes sexualized in adolescence or adulthood. Without a secure attachment to mother, she fails to identify with mother as a female role model losing the opportunity to develop trust and a healthy gender identity. Because of an empty or distorted view of her feminine self she has an inability to connect in a healthy way with other girls. Her sexual development is arrested.

Here's what I disagree with about this... everything.

• I don't disidentify with my mother and I think she is a great role model, a feminine and strong woman.
• I have no issue being a woman in fact I feel quite comfortable in my female skin. And as I have "come out" the more I like feminine things. Do we have to have ANOTHER conversation about how gender identity is not sexual identity?
• The line about how I want "connection with the feminine and that has become sexualized" makes me feel repulsion towards the writers of this paragraph. Yuck people. They are the ones trying to sexualize something here. [Which I generally feel about ex-gay stuff...that things that aren't sexual to me get sexualized.]
• And really does this mean anyone who doesn't want to be exactly like their mother in every way must be gay? Do any of you have something where you do not identify with your mother? Are you gay? 95% of my friends have something where they don't identify with their mother. This is code I think for "if you don't want to marry a man you must not be identifying with your mother".
• The last line in this paragraph is "Because of an empty or distorted view of her feminine self she has an inability to connect in a healthy way with other girls. Her sexual development is arrested." WHAT??? I connect in very healthy ways with other girls. My relationships with women are not sexualized. [again sexualizing things that aren't sexual] I love Lo, my girlfriend, but she's my girlfriend. Anyone in a relationship feels attraction love etc. towards their significant other. They don't sexualize all their relationships with people of that gender. Duh? And for that matter especially as a christian who works hard not to lust after things and people. 
• And there is nothing arrested in me. Which is their way of saying if you don't like boys you must be broken and your development must be arrested. Um. Tell that to my community, my professors, my counselor, my boss, my friends, my co-workers. 
  

What I hate most about this is that feels like such a judgmental writing, telling me that my life, family, self, sexuality, femininity, etc. are arrested or I'm disidentified with something or someone whom I am not. It's not true. And then I want to judge them back for judging me, since judgement begets judgement. Which I know won't help, but tonight I just needed to get this rant out of my system. 

I'll ask forgiveness for judging whoever wrote this in the morning, hopefully the writers of this fact sheet will do the same confession someday.

Gay man sues christian publishers over Bible verses

I saw this article in USA Today. This guy is suing the two big christian publishers for what it says about homosexuality in the bible. I doubt he'll win but I must say it did cause me to stop and want to know more!

Gay man sues publishers over Bible verses

CASCADE TOWNSHIP, Mich. — A gay man is suing two heavyweight Christian publishers, claiming their versions of the Bible that refer to homosexuality as a sin violate his constitutional rights and have caused him emotional pain and mental instability.

Read the story from USA Today here.

Read the story from Chicago Pride here.

You know you are a pastor's kid when...

You know you are a pastor's kid when parables are your metaphors and you re-write them in your mind! This parable in Luke keeps popping into my head over and over, and it has for a couple months now. I imagine the reason is as much psychological as it is spiritual. It's a parable about welcome. For me it's also about how my life and friendships are changing. Here's the biblical version...

Luke 14:16-23. Jesus replied: A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, 'Come, for everything is now ready.' But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, 'I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.' Another said, 'I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.' Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come.' The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, 'Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.' 

'Sir,' the servant said, 'what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.' Then the master told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full. I tell you, not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.' "

I know this passage is about how God invites those who are poor and crippled etc. to the banquet. But, as a personal metaphor this parable is about how my community and friendships have changed as I've come out. New people are being invited to the banquet that is my life and people I thought would be invited are not coming. Or in other words, my community is changing from those I always thought would "come" to those who do. 

Some people drift away and it is normal life, marriage, five new oxen, or maybe they fell into a well. But in some cases the drifting is a combination of life and how my coming out changes the sound of the invitation. So I've found I have been forming new communities, here where I live and with Lo. There are people who, as they find out I'm gay, feel more welcome and invited into my life than they would have before they knew. 

I love who comes into my life these days, but sometimes I miss the people who have drifted on. This morning I feel both strongly. 

After the fact - thoughts on homosexuality sermon part two

(I keep editing this, sorry in advance)
Things I appreciated:

• The naming (multiple times) of the complexity regarding this issue especially in the church but even in general. (eg. it's not nature or nurture, you can't "find" a cause).
• The reading of a letter from a gay christian in church which talked about how he's been shunned etc. by the church and how you can be gay and christian. It was a good letter.
  
• The request that we as people in the church can/should be able to disagree with someone and stay engaged, in conversation.
• That he named his humanity and said here's where I am, I don't know everything...
• A long and really wonderful apology saying sorry for how the church has treated gay people.
• Someone afterward said, "it's progressive for our denomination that he even preached on it." So for progressiveness.

Things that were confusing... mixed messages.

• He went through poor theology, which I think could be great in a sermon like this, but it was too short to work well and it actually confused me a bit.
• He talked about how being a gay christian isn't a contradiction, but judgmental christian should be a contradiction. That's good but, then he talked about how he thinks sex outside a marriage between a man and a woman is wrong. Which 'feels like' a mixed message.
  
  [side note on this: he can have his ordination taken away for saying anything other than the party line on this topic. And I was just talking with the person who wrote the letter about this and realized that I really am grateful for the risk taken and especially for the apology! Even if i see things differently than this church. Lo said last night it's likely part of him feels the incongruence or feels that you can be in a lifelong partnership but he can't say that even if he ever did think it.]
  

Things I did not like AT ALL:

• The use of the word "lifestyle". Do you have a straight lifestyle?
• The example of giving money to AIDS... giving money to AIDS is good. Putting that in a sermon on homosexuality pisses me off since it reminds me of all the preachers that have said it's "God's curse for gay people". My gay friend who wrote the letter ASSURED me that this is not what he meant but it still trigged me.
  
• At the end he said "can we support gay people who are trying to be celibate? Can we be with those who are struggling with their sexual identity? Can we not shun gay couples?" And that's when I think I want better than not being shunned! Grrrr.

How can I say I appreciate the risk and want more? The more I talk to my friend who is staying the more I wish I was strong enough. But I want a place where I really am fully able to be involved.

I think I'm ready finally to sit down and chat with them. The more I talk to the other gay guy I know who is staying the more I understand the why behind this. AND it is a step towards understanding. I really do get that churches move slow and this was a step. Even while I wish there could be more.

Fairs and more fairs - AND then perhaps walking out of church - my old one

It's the season to be outside not inside blogging. On the docket for this weekend. The art fair, the book fair. (so geeky) And chats with my fair lady. :)

Then this Sunday my previous pastor is supposed to be preaching on homosexuality. I'm going. I also may walk out, we shall see. I know the question is why put myself through that? I'm not entirely sure. It just feels important. It also may mean me outing myself. I will keep you posted.

Voice opinions and stotries

nosubject posted this. The office of the governor of california has set up a hotline public opinion vote on the recent CA supreme court decision regarding equal marriage. it's a completely automated system and it's not, repeat NOT, limited to california residents. i just called it myself. it was busy the first two ties, but the third time i got through, and it took maybe ten seconds.

to voice your opinion:
1. call 1-916-445-2841
2. press options 1 (english), 5 (to vote), 1 (LGBT issue), 1 (vote yes)

And below is a "shorter" version (it was long so I cut it) of a request by an arist for stories about what you have been denied because you are gay.

Tell your story to an artist I am an artist. A painter. I am currently exploring a very personal theme entitled, Modulation of Memory. In the exploration of this new theme my sexuality kept niggling its way into my more nostalgic memories...I began to think of the theme of what I have been denied in my life because I’m am gay.

I have been denied responsible and positive homosexual role models. I have been denied the right to be with my first true Love for the rest of my life because of the intense cultural and societal moirés. He feared rejection and feared causing his parent emotional pain. I have been denied the right to feel safe, as a younger man, exiting gay night clubs for fear of a basher ready to beat the shit out of some faggot. I have been denied the right to freely and openly share and talk about the fact I’ve found love.

So here is where you come in. I need YOUR experiences. You can tell me in a simple statement or a full blown short story length letter. Your words will be attributed as anonymous, if you wish, or to you should you choose to divulge your name to me and ask to be attributed. You must state that you want your name to appear with your words, pictures, videos whatever you choose to send in.

Your words WILL be presented along with any painting, stop motion video, photography, or any digital media including websites, or print media or any other media I, the artist choose to present the concept in. Again if you would like your words, recorded or written, pictures or videos, composed music, or any other type of media you choose to submit attributed to anyone other then “anonymous” you should include your name in your email. It is the artist’s discretion as to how your words or experiences will be worked into the piece. Your words will not be taken out of context without the viewer having access to your full document so that the original intent of your words will always be known.

In the interest of full disclosure of the artist’s intent, you should understand that, it is the artist’s intention for this conceptual art piece/pieces to draw public awareness and scrutiny about the issue of the continued denial of same sex marriages in much of the world, and denial of many other liberties because of sexual orientation. Please, I want this to be a project with a global voice. Make your submissions in any language.

Lesbian. Gay. Transsexual. Transgendered. Bi. Straight. Please share your story with me. What have YOU been denied because of your sexual orientation?

Please post this in your blogs, email it to friends, do anything that might get it spread around. Link to it, cut and paste it, whatever. Please take a moment and help me get this message out to even just one more person. Without the stories this project is dead in the water.

James Cre@mer. Submissions may be emailed to:yourstory@jamesedwardcreamer.com Project updates and info will be posted at http://jamesedwardcreamer.com as things progress [site is still under construction as of June 2008 but you can get the jist of things to come]

Food for thought!

I'm currently on a virtual date with Lo. Which is pretty funny. We both went to a coffee shop and are discussing that "Borg" book I posted about yesterday and this article my friend Peter sent me.  Walter Wink on homosexuality and the bible. It's really well done.

Here are some quotes I found particularly thought provoking

In other words, Paul really thought that those whose behavior he condemned were "straight," and that they were behaving in ways that were unnatural to them. Paul believed that everyone was "straight." He had no concept of homosexual orientation The idea was not available in his world. There are people that are genuinely homosexual by nature (whether genetically or as a result of upbringing no one really knows, and it is irrelevant) For such a person it would be acting contrary to nature to have sexual relations with a person of the opposite sex.

A quote to piss off women... 

adultery is defined by the marital status of the woman. In the Old Testament, a man could not commit adultery against his own wife; he could only commit adultery against another man by sexually using the other's wife- And a bride who is found not to be a virgin is to be stoned to death (Deut- 22:13-21)' but male virginity at marriage is never even mentioned. It is one of the curiosities of the current debate on sexuality that adultery, which creates far more social havoc, is considered less "sinful" than homosexual activity. Perhaps this is because there are far more adulterers in our churches. Yet no one, to my knowledge, is calling for their stoning, despite the clear command of Scripture. And we ordain adulterers.

Something I sure didn't know. Woh. Better not let people learn this...

The Old Testament nowhere explicitly prohibits sexual relations between unmarried consenting heterosexual adults, as long as the woman's economic value (bride price) is not compromised, that is to say, as long as she is not a virgin. There are poems in the Song of Songs that eulogize a love affair between two unmarried persons, though commentators have often conspired to cover up the fact with heavy layers of allegorical interpretation. In various parts of the Christian world, quite different attitudes have prevailed about sexual intercourse before marriage. In some Christian communities, proof of fertility (that is, pregnancy) was required for marriage. This was especially the case in farming areas where the inability to produce children-workers could mean economic hardship Today, many single adults, the widowed, and the divorced are reverting to "biblical" practice, while others believe that sexual intercourse belongs only within marriage. Both views are Scriptural. Which is right?

Go read the whole thing. I can't quote everything. It's highly worth the read.

North Carolina Laws, what?!

Yesterday was a pretty productive day for me. Besides making turkey chili, going running, and going to church I spent all the rest of my time finishing my paper on gambling. I am going to email it in today. 

Right before bed however I made the mistake of going online to read blogs. What I found depressed me. North Carolina has a CAN law. Which stands for crimes against nature and it's the law they use to arrest gay people. Even though it was struck down by the supreme court it seems Police in Raleigh North Carolina used it to arrest two men. Granted it was a much more complicated situation but I still freaked out a bit. Read about it below:

• The news observer story
• pamshouseblend.com's who found it first

Pam says

"Last night in my state, two men, in what appears to be a domestic dispute/sexual assault case that occurred in private, were charged by the police under the North Carolina's ridiculous "crimes against nature" law (CAN). From the Raleigh N&O:"

Ellen getting married - I know i'm late to post this....

So I knew the ban on gay marriage was lifted but I hadn't seen this yet until I read "Let's kill Saturday night's" blog. :)

The conversation with an ignorant friend

So lately I feel like blogging about how I am christian and gay is like trying to get twenty puppies to go on a walk together. So I hope to put up a couple of posts on the stuff I'm reading.

But first of all, yesterday when I was out to lunch with some friends. One of them followed her story about how a woman at church asked her and her friend if they were together, with a short sharing on how her pastor is doing ministry to gay and lesbian folks. I asked more about it. She said he ministers to them by going out to the bars to stop male prostitution. WHAT?!?!

I responded that, that is NOT the same thing. I asked her more. She got all defensive (I thought) when I challenged her. I wanted to out myself to her right then and there. To say to her "When you look at me do you think 'male prostitute'"? I had a feeling she wasn't safe and now I know she isn't. Granted I do have an advantage in that if she knew I was gay she probably wouldn't say something that stupid. But still.

It made me think of this blog post. This person is just graduating from Seminary, so it caused me to have renewed frustration at ignorance in pastors. Homosexuality is not equivalent or related or anything to either prostitution (in the case of my conversation) or abuse (in the case of this story below) any more than being straight is, just in case you didn't know that. Here's the quote from his conversation with a pastor and his wife.

Sure enough, everything played out just as I planned, though of the two, only the wife was present for the conversation. After casually chatting over tea, we turned to more challenging topics. When I posed my question, she responded as I expected, affirming the need to support “Hank” through this challenge. I was triumphant! Surely they would help me walk this mess out.

Then she paused, considered something, and said something that snapped me back to reality:

“The only change would be that I would not want Hank to be alone with my young sons.”

In an instant, with a crushing weight I could not have anticipated, my hope evaporated. With that simple sentence, my struggle with homosexual attraction, something I had never acted upon, had been equated with child molestation. In the instant of my confession, I would have become someone to be helped, but not trusted. Someone capable of unspeakable evil to children. At that stage in my life, the thing that brought me the greatest spiritual fulfillment was my role as a camp counselor at several Christian summer camps, at which her sons had been in my care. Not only would my future with those ministries become questioned, but my past behaviour would immediately become suspect.

After that... do you want to read some real research? Some facts?

This is an older but updated post I just found. "Organic Behavior, No Fault Identities" is THE BEST relatively short version in the blogosphere of information on current research on homosexuality. I highly recommend it. There's a lot of big words here. :) Here's the into. quote:

Since this is more a personal than a scholarly or comprehensive tour of the literature I hope you will forgive some rough approximating that follows. I characterize the progress of the research by noting each decade had a dominant tool for its research. Whether that is exactly true is not too important. That the tools have gotten much sharper and their results harder to refute is what matters.

Homophobia Sucks - Girl kicked out of school because she was gay

I keep editing this post in order to work things out in my head and heart. This is one of the things I do to help me have voice and figure things out.

So today I drove to have lunch with a relative of mine who goes to tiu.edu . She asked me about the boy front. Ug. I don't love this part of any conversation. This time instead of dodging it I just tried to find out where she stood on glbt issues. She said, "I'm against it. The bible says it's wrong so it's wrong." In my head and heart I felt myself slam shut all doors to wanting to share with her. Why even bother I thought, it's futile. (I know I should challenge this lie in my head).

I asked her if she has any gay or lesbian friends. She said no. But then she told me that last week one of her teammates got kicked out of school for being gay (and it seems for other things). I wish I had more information on the details, but this is all I have. If anyone else knows the scoop do tell.

I'm not sharing this to "talk bad" about the school. However it made me even more sad and upset and closed to sharing. I'm sure the story on why this girl left is complicated and dramatic. The way it sounded the president and faculty had to be involved. Which doesn't sound to me like a simple expulsion. The fact that her being gay was even part of why she was kicked out of school is emotionally evocative for me. I don't care if the girl was confused or "not really a christian", or drank (which is what this relative said). I keep thinking about that movie "Saved".

Homophobia sucks I tell you. I hate it. I feel drained, and 3 times more tired when I am not accepted and come to realize I can't be myself. I don't want to stay and combat judgments I want to disappear. I am trying to think of the 4 agreements.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering

Yes, someone else's homophobia is not about me. In fact an entire school's homophobia isn't about me. But when is this a justice deal? I just don't know when to voice stuff and when not to. It's all overwhelming.

As a side note: My church service this morning was stunningly phenomenal today. And helpful in light of this. We are in a series on "hard questions" and today's question was "Why is there suffering in the world?"

Video worth watching on repairative therapy

This video is floating around and I thought it was one of the more clear stories of someone who sounds healthy, whole, and gay talking about their experience.

This post is not edifying in fact it's to purposefully disturb you!

I've been struggling with what I should do with my blog. My brother said it's not edifying so they don't read it anymore. Which is feels like hearing someone say "Hey I found your journal or those personal letters you write to zuzu and I read them because they were laying out. But now, I am not going to read them because they aren't edifying." What? I have this blog to collect things and so my feelings spill into writing not cutting. It's therapy.

Plus, sometimes we shouldn't be edified we should be disturbed! My boss tells a story of a local church who refused to play a video on human trafficking because it is disturbing. He says he went through a time of thinking about why we need to be disturbed sometimes. Yes, spread the love. Yes, edify. Yes put love notes into the world! But things like untruth, hate, prejudice, racism, and injustice towards anyone is disturbing! Sometimes we need to be disturbed.

Ready to be disturbed? I saw this on biologicalinks. It is being reported that the Oklahoman lawmaker who spoke so harshly against homosexuals has a gay son, Jesse, whom she and her Baptist preacher husband have disowned. She says in this video gay people commit suicide because they are gay. No sweetie, gay people commit suicide because their families and friends disown them, and because many of us even try to change who we are and can't and so self hate comes. There's a ton of untruth in this, but my point isn't to refute her untruth because there are people in the blogosphere doing that, but rather to say what if this was your mother and you were gay?

My family has been surprisingly better than I expected. AND my preacher father and mother have not disowned me. They love me. No this one christian does not speak for most christians but, from reading this church marketing blog why do you think 16-29 year olds think the church is:

• Anti-homosexual: 91%
• Judgmental: 87%
• Hypocritical: 85%
• Old-fashioned: 78%
• Too involved in politics: 75%

biologicalinks said: "I guess for a woman to whom being a Christian = “no way gay,” then her son being gay MUST be the result of some vast school/government conspiracy to indoctrinate children. Surely it couldn’t be that her church-reared son could be gay… well, just because he’s gay. She needs a reason beyond what her mind and beliefs can compute"



Also here's the new "For the bible tells me so" trailer. Sorry for the hyper long post... :)

I am not at all Jungian!

I just finished the book: "The Invisible Partners" by John A Sanford [google books has almost all of it] It was a book I had to read for school and then write about. I did not like it one bit. And I thought I liked some Jungian things... If you want to hear about the one thing I did like skip to the quote at the bottom of this post. :)

I am entirely helped by seeing this book, Jung, and Sanford in the context of history. Pretty much the only thing I related to was the idea that we all hold what are typically called masculine and feminine aspects in us to varying degrees. But beyond this, reading this book felt like attempting to read a book in Old English from a different century. The language is not language I would use. And not just because of the Jungian terms. But also because the culture I live and move in is different. Plus the dude went off on male homosexuality and it's causes for a couple pages some of which was totally unproven or untrue and then didn't even address female homosexuality.

I kept reading things that made me write in the margin: "What? Where did he get this? Who says? Unproven assumption. Heterosexual assumption." Chapter four has the majority of these side notes.

My largest issue with this book is that I do not agree that we are made whole by finding the other side of us. We are already whole and no one can or will ever complete us and make us whole. And in regards to sexuality I disagree that sexuality is our attempt to find what is missing as Sanford says! I think sexuality is so much more complex than that. It is biology, love, culture, gender identity, upbringing, sexual orientation, emotions, personality.... the list could go on forever.

Also the book started with the mythology of the Anthropos (sphere people) who were cut in two by the gods and turned into men and women. This mythology holds the assumption that someone else will make us whole. I ask any of you, do you think being in a relationship makes you more whole? Relationship, sex, love have purposes but ultimately I take issue with the idea that this anima/animus combo makes wholeness. Even if we work out our anima/animus stuff we can't even complete ourselves. That still wouldn't make us whole.

The only thing I found fascinating was the mythology regarding homosexuality on page 99. Ironically these pages on homosexuality are the ones that are omitted from the google books version. Hmmm. Do you think this was by accident?

Here's the story I liked that was omitted.

The American Indians had an explanation for this kind of homosexuality that is as good as any I know, even though it is couched in mythological rather than scientific terms. The Indians believed that during puberty the moon appeared to a boy offering him a bow and arrow in one hand, and a woman's pack and strap in the other. If the boy hesitated when reaching for the boy and arrow, then the moon handed him the pack strap. These young men became "berdaches," or homosexuals. They wore a special kind of dress and performed special functions in the tribe. For instance, they often served as matchmakers, and while they did not go to war, as did the other young men, they might accompany the war party to care for the wounded. Berdaches were perfectly accepted in the Indian community. They were not ridiculed or despised, but simply regarded as a special sort of man.

I googled Berdaches because I thought, why does Sanford say Indian instead of which exact tribe, or even saying Native American or First Nation. I saw this article that said "Male berdaches have been documented in over 155 tribes." Interesting.

I guess I have mostly just confirmed to myself that I'd be a horrible Jungian!

A boy killed for asking someone to be his valentine!

It's a two post day because this morning I saw this story jj put on her blog and I got all teary. Did you hear about it? This boy Lawrence, 15, was killed by a 14 year old classmate, Brandon, for asking him to be his valentine? Arg. Stupid stupid stupid world!

Watch the video from the Ellen show below.

.....On the morning of Feb. 12, Lawrence was in the school’s computer lab with 24 other students, said Mr. Keith, the police spokesman. Brandon walked into the room with a gun and shot Lawrence in the head, the police said, then ran from the building. Police officers caught him a few blocks away.
Read it here in the New York Times story.

A review of Gay Christian podcasts

I listen to podcasts a lot. So I've taken some time to type out a bit of what I know about each of these three. For each podcast I say what I like and what I would change. If you know of any others do tell me about them.

GCN Radio podcast.
Currently hosted by two people, Justin (see picture) and Nate. What I like: The conversation between the hosts and that regular listeners call in. They cover some good topics. My favorite podcasts so far have been on people's secrets. What I would change? The intro. which is good the first time but after 5 starts to get annoying. And they haven't done a podcast since December.

• The website and podcast can be found here.
  

O God I'm Gay podcast
with host Alicia Ross. What I like: There's no cheesiness and it feels real. Alicia is a natural host and she brings in guests who address spirituality, GLBT, and societal issues. I also like that she addresses issues of race and culture. What I would change: Some of her guests talk for too long. She also hasn't had a podcast since December.

• Read about it on the afterellen.com
• Subscribe to the podcast.

Whosoever Godcast
Whosoever founder and editor Candace Chellew-Hodge. What I like: Some of the more interesting podcasts here have been author interviews. I'm glad this podcast exists but it is not my most favorite. I can't figure out why. What I would change: The intro. music and the tone which are similar to the Christian radio I grew up with. This may be a podcast for older GLBT christians.

• The whosoever website
• Subscribe to the podcast

So do you all have any GLBT type podcasts you listen to?

Postscript.
I do have one more lgbt podcast I listen to, but it's not at all Christian. 2homos.com a lesbian podcast is done by a hilarious lesbian couple. They post quite often (usually weekly) which is fun. When I'm trying to get my butt around the track or to go just 5 more minutes on some machine I choose to listen to them. I find they distract me FAR more than any of these other three. Be fair warned though if you are someone who hates swearing or talk of sex or rants or... :)

Sampling cyberspace

Yes today's blog post is just a bunch of things I've read online and found interesting. So there's something for everyone and of course they are all for me because I do like to read widely. :) Ready.... You know the drill, click on what you want to read more about. [My comments are in brackets.]

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[Because I love Frank Schaeffer and haven't read this book yet]
Earthbound
aaiiieeee.blogspot.com/2008/01/earthbound.html

Over my trip to DC I began reading Frank Schaeffer's Crazy For God. I can see why many evangelicals are angry at Schaeffer, not only for turning away from (and in some cases against) the religious right, but for his unflinching portrayal of his parents, warts and all.

While Schaeffer spends as much time dwelling on the good aspects of his childhood as he does on the bad, he does not sugarcoat anything. A reader can come away from the book still respecting the Schaeffer family and the work that they did, but one will never again place any of them (including Frank) on a pedestal. Given that the Bible itself sets the precedent for highlighting the flaws of even its greatest heroes, that seems to me to be a good thing.

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[She does a great job explaining sexual identity for lay people]
Women’s sexuality- is it really fluid for most? « And this… is how AnJ ticks.
anjelico.wordpress.com/2008/01/17/womens-sexuality...

Here’s a problem- Your participants may not know how sexual orientation is defined [and hence discrepant definitions]. For most people, they make the error of defining it according to the gender of the partners they have been with i.e. the person whom they have romantic attraction towards. But being with a guy doesn’t make you a straight; just as being a woman doesn’t make you gay. And having been with members of both genders doesn’t automatically qualify you for the title “bisexual”... [And your sexual orientation is only part of your sexual identity. You can read about it here.]

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[I was emailed this link - interesting story on a neighborhood that is courting the gays and lesbians to move there while struggling with it.]
What comes after coming out
wjinc.com/main.asp?SectionID=3&subsectionID=3&arti...

It's clear to me that all hands are not yet on deck, even in Oak Park, when it comes to our civil rights. These ethnographic interviews of Sophie and Bekah hint at the true make-up of our neighborhoods when they touch on their experience of canvassing for signatures to support Oak Park's domestic partnership registry, which passed in 1997. We have come such a long way, but without this transformation, Oak Park will never discover the difference between "being progressive" and actually progressing.

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[I just met someone who loves Osteen...I'm trying to be less judgmental...this is pretty cool.]
bob.blog: Osteen!
bobhyatt.typepad.com/bobblog/2007/12/osteen.html

"He has not taken a salary from his Houston megachurch for two years. He owns one house — the same one he and his wife, Victoria, have lived in for 13 years — and until recently he drove a 9-year-old car he inherited from his late father. Osteen pays his own hotel bills, and there is no private jet...

Osteen refuses to condemn the targets of [Sen. Charles] Grassley’s inquiry, or Richard Roberts, who quit as president of Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Okla., amid charges that he used school funds and facilities for his family “While I never like to hear negative things about friends and other ministers, I choose to believe the very best in them,” Osteen said."

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[This was from a while back but I do dig this poem.]

Still Pausing, in Advent….

livingtheology.net/?p=172

In the godforsaken, obscene quicksand of life,
there is a deafening alleluia
rising from the souls of those who weep,
and of those who weep with those who weep.
If you watch, you will see
the hand of God
putting the stars back in their skies
one by one..... - Anne Weems
[read the rest on the blog]

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[I get my aptitudes tested next week so this was from my research on them.]

How to Get at What You're Good At
www.fastcompany.com/magazine/01/goodat.html

Aptitude testing purports to identify what people have a knack for, what they innately do well. These tests have always sounded like pseudoscience -- abstract exercises designed to measure the unmeasurable. My skepticism intensified when I learned the Johnson O'Connor process would take 9 hours of my time and 480 of my dollars. But I was in the thick of a genuine career moment: Should I move my speechwriting aptitude to another organization? Write a screenplay? Start a business? I figured a few tests couldn't hurt.

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[My reminder that stereotypes about groups don't do me any good either! I am trying...]

One At a Time
straightnotnarrow.blogspot.com/2008/01/one-at-time...

Over the decade I’ve been out as a lesbian, I have learned a great deal about evangelical Christians...Stereotypes and groupthink have proven no good to me at all. I was told, time and again, that I could trust nobody on “the Religious Right.” They “all” hated us, I was warned, and therefore I had to be wary of them all. When it came time to begin coming out to the friends I’d made over the years, most of whom were religious conservatives, I was afraid. Surely to a one, they would dump me.

Finally I came out to one of my best friends, Shawnee, a lifelong Southern Baptist. I hemmed and hawed while telling her, ‘til she became quite frightened herself. When I finally got the words out, I got a huge surprise. She was actually relieved!

“Is that all?” she asked me. “The way you built up to it, I expected you to tell me you were dying of cancer or something.”More at Whosoever.

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[I like this blog and I liked the quote she found.]
Jung Quote of the Day
drybonesdance.typepad.com/dry_bones_dance/2007/12/...

"There are, in fact, many methods, standpoints, views and convictions which are all at war with one another - the main reason for this being that, since they fail to be mutually comprehensible, none of them can grant the validity of any other [...]"

[...]When we find the most diverse remedies prescribed in a text-book of pathology for a given disease, we may confidently asssume that none of these remedies is particularly efficacious. So, when many different ways of approaching the psyche are recommended, we may rest assured that none of them leads with absolute certainty to the goal, least of all those advocated in a fanatical way. The very number of present-day "psychologies" amounts to a confession of perplexity."

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[Things that are really good to know. :) ]

What the Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality
http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible-gay-christian

For example, many Christians don't know that

• Jesus says nothing about same-sex behavior.
• The Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality.
• Only six or seven of the Bible's one million verses refer to same-sex behavior in any way -- and none of these verses refer to homosexual orientation as it's understood today. [Read the rest there...]

A gay and lesbian blood type?

This was my evening last night. I started to color this super cool velvet poster my brother gave me for Christmas. That was until I was reminded that velvet fabric gives me the chills. I'm going to have to use paint instead of markers so I don't get the chills. So then I grabbed my laptop and surfed the internet. Look what I found!

Have you all seen heard of this study on gays and lesbians called "It's in the blood" from Box Turtle Bulletin. I am so intrigued.

Using a sample of over 7,000 participants, sociologists at Minot State University in North Dakota identified a correlation between sexual orientation and both blood type and Rh factor.

Heterosexual males and females exhibited statistically identical frequencies of the A blood type, while gay men exhibited a relatively low incidence and lesbians had a relatively high incidence (p < .05). In the case of the Rh factor, unusually high proportions of homosexuals of both sexes were Rh- when compared to heterosexuals (p < .06). The findings suggest that a connection may exist between sexual orientation and genes both on chromosome 9 (where blood type is determined) and on chromosome 1 (where the Rh factor is regulated). [here's the study link]