The f-word

Yesterday I said the f-word just to cheer someone up.
It's only because I never say it that it's so amusing to them.

Today I had a full and lovely day and I still thought of cutting.
Sadly saying the f-work doesn't work on me.

Tomorrow I will counsel other people in a cute tiny office
which can tempt me to think I have to be perfect
Or that I failed because of the flit of a cutting thought tonight
This is a fallacy with a capital F.

So I take care of myself tonight
in order to contain the terrors of others in the morning.

Like my textbook said,
sometimes we do "fuck-it-up therapy."
Where we learn to hold our f-it-up areas
so we can hear another person voice all that's
f-ed up in the world, in us, and in them, without judgement.

Sometimes it's amazing that sitting with what
one feels is f-ed up is healing.