Sunday, October 5, 2008

The f-word

Yesterday I said the f-word just to cheer someone up.
It's only because I never say it that it's so amusing to them.

Today I had a full and lovely day and I still thought of cutting.
Sadly saying the f-work doesn't work on me.

Tomorrow I will counsel other people in a cute tiny office
which can tempt me to think I have to be perfect
Or that I failed because of the flit of a cutting thought tonight
This is a fallacy with a capital F.

So I take care of myself tonight
in order to contain the terrors of others in the morning.

Like my textbook said,
sometimes we do "fuck-it-up therapy."
Where we learn to hold our f-it-up areas
so we can hear another person voice all that's
f-ed up in the world, in us, and in them, without judgement.

Sometimes it's amazing that sitting with what
one feels is f-ed up is healing.


Melissa said...


And yes.

Hanna Marie said...

take care of yourself while your taking care of others!!
You are beautiful!

...and I'm here for you if you need someone else to help take care of you for a bit!

...even in the middle of the night, when i'm having cutting thoughts...


titration said...

Thanks both of you!

Hanna - that is very sweet of you to say.

Sorry about the late comment I've been working my way backwards responding to comments. :)