Sunday, September 9, 2007

A friendship ends

I was just on a leadership retreat with work. A person I have been friends with for years, was there. She is doing worse with my coming (out a year ago) than I realized, and than any of my other friends.

- she hinted at getting me fired because I am gay. Talking about how i am a leader and her sense of what a leader is, means I should not be gay. I heard her and then explained that it's illegal for me to be fired because of my orientation.

- she said she has not wanted to work with me and my department on a project because I am gay. I told her this is inappropriate. This does not get in the way of my job and should not get in the way of our work together.

- she thinks I intentionally choose this lifestyle.

- she said she doesn't know if she would come to my wedding because she doesn't know what she would tell her son. Implying it would taint him.

I felt surprisingly calm during it, but sad and angry towards the end and afterwords. Somehow I was able to listen and speak up for myself. I am very proud of myself for confronting her on how her personal views cannot work. It is entirely inappropriate. We think differently, but it should not impact my job or her decision to work with us.

I asked her, and she won't read or learn more about this issue and won't talk to anyone who doesn't think like she does, so I sent her to l.o. to chat (not my lo another co-worker). I am hoping L.O. would at least talk a bit of sense to her regarding the fact that we can agree to disagree, but I am still a valued employee no matter my orientation.

Today I feel like this friendship is done, I felt different yesterday and will probably feel different tomorrow. I'm just a bit of a roller coaster.


Anonymous said...

whoa. I'm sort of stunned, and so sorry that, especially at work, such an un-safe person has emerged. that sucks.

In the mean time, love you!


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope that in the midst of this incident you can at least feel peace about the words you spoke and how you ended things with this person. It's always very difficult when a friendship comes to a fork in the road. - MVL

(no subject) said...

that's too bad. i've had acquaintances be jerks to me because i'm queer, but never a close friend. hope the rest of your day goes well tho. =)

Anonymous said...

I'm sad to hear about this. I pray that she'll eventually open her eyes.

And I really want to affirm your testimony to her. Takes Godly courage.



Meghan said...

Good for you that you're totally able to recognize that this is HER issue, not yours. But I'm sorry to hear that her close-mindedness will keep her from growing in friendship with a fantastic individual.

Anonymous said...

I have been around you when other friendships have ended, and your response this time is so totally diffent. Yes, you are still sad, but you are also confident in your own worth, forward looking, rational in your responses, and fully alive to the truth that life will go on. I am so proud of you!