This is a letter I'm thinking about sending my fam. after the conversation we had on Weds.
What is important for me to have you know is that I’m doing better in every area of my life, than I have ever done. I’m finally at peace after 10 plus years of silent struggle, I like myself (and after a good 12 years of self hate that’s a god-send), I’m actually feeling more comfortable at church than I have been in a long time. And I’m doing great at my job and at school.
I do hope there is a bridge for us in our shared christian faith or even just being family, even though we see things differently. This is such a small part of life and who I am. Plus there are plenty other things we can talk about, like my school and my work and your lives.
Although your question about sex felt inappropriate I wonder if what you wanted to say was “you are parents, you want to make sure I’m ok and safe”. If that is the case I assure you I am fine and safe. I wish I could explain that I am not the stereotypes you have in your head. I live my life as a christian first, who happens to be gay.
You may ask about Lo some time in the future if you want. One thing I was sad that you didn’t ask was if she was a christian since that's what you would normally ask. She is, by the way. And that is why I met her even though she lives far away. It’s important to me to have christian community that has walked this same journey, one that feels lonely because so many do not understand it.
I hope you find someone to talk to about all of this, like a christian counselor of some sort. I know you wanted me to see someone who would be like a previous counselor I had, someone who would somehow change all this. I have been in counseling for years with christians of various stripes and continue to be, however, I feel my attempt to change did me harm, and so I will not cause that harm to happen to myself again.
[side not to anyone reading this online, here I deleted content about what counseling organizations say about repairative therapy]
p.s. I had my interview for internship today. It went well. I’m pretty sure I’ll get it. I just need to see if I can afford to do that and not work as much.