Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My parents know now I'm dating and it did not go well

The strongest feeling after talking to my parents is unsafe. Not fear really but a desire to pull away to protect my heart and not share again. I know that's odd. Is it odd? They didn't threaten me but their judgment and disapproval is so strong. I am also pretty angry, since anger is sometimes a protective feeling and a natural reaction to feeling judged, it's to be expected. And yes I will find healthy ways, as always, to write and paint and talk it out.

I did not tell them by the way. They flat out asked "what type of relationship is your relationship" I said "I am dating her" cause I wasn't going to lie.

In spite of the fact that I am a 35 year old adult my parents still asked me if I was having sex (or something like that). I told them I wouldn't ever feel comfortable talking about that with anyone. Seriously that is just inappropriate! For goodness sake it's none of their business. They are so focused on sex because to them it is the worst sin in all the world. I bet it's worse than murder to them. They talked about temptation and sin and scripture... My mom said "I don't know where you learned this was all right." The call ended by them saying "We love you and we are praying for you." To which I responded "I love you and I am praying for you."

I talked to Lo and then Zuzu. It helped. Zuzu had some good advice which was just don't talk to them about this anymore for a while. I didn't plan on telling them tonight it just happened. Lo said it gets easier over time.

I anticipate because of this I may drift even further from the family. I am so glad I waited until this year of my life to come out. Hmmm. Maybe I will spend holidays elsewhere this year.


Cheryl said...

Bummer. Sorry it didn't go well. I hope this doesn't take the shine off of your relationship with Lo, although it might feel like it for a while. Don't let it get you down. They just don't understand, and probably never will, although they might learn to accept.

Perhaps if they see that their judgements are pushing you away, they might work harder to accept you for who you are and who you love and not for who they WISH you were.

Take a deep breath and let it go. You are more you now than you've ever been. Rest in that when they feel unsafe to you.

Elaine said...

I continue to be so proud of you for your strength and integrity. Remember, they don't love you less. I'm glad you established boundaries!

Love, Elaine

Meghan said...

I am proud of you, and am sure you must be hurting. Know that I will be thinking of you and sending good energy your way today.

I love what Cheryl said: You are more you now than you've ever been. Beautiful.

Louise said...

Hugs to you...

Random Reflections said...

Sorry to hear it didn't go well. It is sad to think that it might make you withdraw further from your family.

Give them time and who knows what might happen...

polkadotsandhiccups said...

Be the butterfly that you have become....don't go back into your cocoon. At least you were honest and up front with them, surely they have wondered where you were at, or if in fact you are in any type of a relationship. And well...sometimes when we are parents, we create this view of what are kids are supposed to be, its hard to find out that they aren't exactly that. I will keep praying for their hearts to be opened to everything going on with you. Sending a whole lotta love your way!!!

(no subject) said...

i had that same feeling when my parents learned about r and i. and still do feel that way sometimes. it DOES get better over time, you kind of have to let them get used to it. but don't pull away from them just because you feel that you can't talk to them about your relationship with lo, or just lo in general. know when it is best to keep your mouth shut about your relationship but don't constantly hide it. that's what i've learned.

titration said...

You all are so great! I feel supported just by your comments and I very much appreciate it.

cheryl - I've been thinking about how things went for you and your family a lot... Your line "you are more you now than you ever have been" is so true.

elaine- :) how are you? thanks for the cheerleading. I actually thought of you when they asked if I was having sex. Thought "who does that?"

meghan - thanks for any goodness you send my way. :) I totally accept it

titration said...

louise - I'll take em.

rr - yeah hopefully I won't have to but I just don't want to take lo home for a holiday if they were unkind. Yes time... we need more time.

pokadots... - Yep I am definitely flying. :)

nosubject - yes I imagine it is a balance between sharing and not sharing.

Good words. Thank you people!

isabella mori said...

i love how you responded to your parents' words by saying that you, too, love them and pray for them. what a generous response.

(oh, what a find your blog is! into my feed it goes. i came across it because of that little widget you have that mentions other people's posts. thanks for visiting my blog!)