Thursday, April 10, 2008

I had an awful dream but I woke so glad to be alive.

It's 4:30 in the morning and I just forced myself awake after having one of the most scary dreams I have had in a long time. I used to have lots of nightmares, but I have had hardly any in the last couple years.

In this dream I was with some people I knew. We were driving on our way somewhere, maybe to a retreat or something. A college age boy was the driver of the car. Suddenly the entire road was full of snow. Unplowed snow. The car spun around and was entirely stuck. I got out and started to work on getting the snow off the car since there was another car that was moving through it. Then we all were wherever it was we were going. It was eurpoean. Felt like Germany.

The scary part in all this started when I was with my parents in the dream. I guess I had come to visit them and they were glad, but I started to realize that we all were going to die. I was asking about the situation in the country and they told me about deaths and people getting killed for thinking certain things. And my mom was crying. As soon as we were done talking about it solders appeared at the door. I watched them kill two women on the floor. One was pregnant. These women weren't there before but suddenly they were. I was glad that I had visited my parents knowing that I may never see them again. But I was so very sad because I knew it meant I was about to die. I was sitting in a chair trying to keep really still watching everything. And an officer came over to me with a sharp knife. I felt like they had a specific interest in me. That they had heard what we had talked about.

I clearly remember thinking in my dream. "I want to live. I really hope they don't kill me." I remembered all the days I used to want to die and I tried to re-imagine what that was like so I would be prepared to be killed but I couldn't. I wanted to live so badly. In fact I feel all teary thinking about it right now! And then I woke up.

I called Lo when I woke up and scared her because I've never called so early before. She told me she thought it was because of the conversations I've had lately with a girl who wants to die and that I ate before bed. Then I IM'ed j who was awake too. It's great to have friends in other time zones. Ironically J was having a nightmare at exactly the same time as me. I thought that was interesting. J agreed with Lo and then said "well, you might need to hear - it was just a terrible dream. You are awake now and life is NOT like you just dreamed about." Thank God!

5 comments:

Heidi said...

I too am really glad you are ok and alive. I could completely feel where you were in your dream when you described it. Sometimes they are so scary and believable that its not just about fear, but about this realness that is inexplicable. Hate that, but thank goodness we can all wake up and move on.

Casdok said...

Glad you woke!

I am taking a break from blogging for a while, so wanted to thank you for your support and understanding.
Take care x

Meghan said...

Wow, that sounds awful. I had a thematically similar dream once and I was unnerved for days.

You know who would be helpful with this dream? Our elephant friend! :)

Random Reflections said...

Ooh, sounds horrible. I'm glad you had people to talk to about it though.

(no subject) said...

i had a really creepy dream like that once too. its kind of eery how similar our dreams were actually. but like lo and j said you are alive and it was JUST a dream. Hope all is well today =)