So today I drove to have lunch with a relative of mine who goes to tiu.edu . She asked me about the boy front. Ug. I don't love this part of any conversation. This time instead of dodging it I just tried to find out where she stood on glbt issues. She said, "I'm against it. The bible says it's wrong so it's wrong." In my head and heart I felt myself slam shut all doors to wanting to share with her. Why even bother I thought, it's futile. (I know I should challenge this lie in my head).
I asked her if she has any gay or lesbian friends. She said no. But then she told me that last week one of her teammates got kicked out of school for being gay (and it seems for other things). I wish I had more information on the details, but this is all I have. If anyone else knows the scoop do tell.
I'm not sharing this to "talk bad" about the school. However it made me even more sad and upset and closed to sharing. I'm sure the story on why this girl left is complicated and dramatic. The way it sounded the president and faculty had to be involved. Which doesn't sound to me like a simple expulsion. The fact that her being gay was even part of why she was kicked out of school is emotionally evocative for me. I don't care if the girl was confused or "not really a christian", or drank (which is what this relative said). I keep thinking about that movie "Saved".
Homophobia sucks I tell you. I hate it. I feel drained, and 3 times more tired when I am not accepted and come to realize I can't be myself. I don't want to stay and combat judgments I want to disappear. I am trying to think of the 4 agreements.
2. Don't Take Anything PersonallyYes, someone else's homophobia is not about me. In fact an entire school's homophobia isn't about me. But when is this a justice deal? I just don't know when to voice stuff and when not to. It's all overwhelming.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering
As a side note: My church service this morning was stunningly phenomenal today. And helpful in light of this. We are in a series on "hard questions" and today's question was "Why is there suffering in the world?"