Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Postsecret.com - Cutting - Woh!

Sometimes I forget to go check out postsecret.com. But I just did, and I saw this postcard above! I literally stopped breathing for a second and got all teary. My thoughts that would drive me to cut are less, and I don't act on them, but sometimes they flit on through. I feel too embarrassed to blog about the cutting thoughts even though that's why I put this blog up in the first place. They mostly have to do with virginity. The cutting thoughts to do with being gay are almost all gone since I've come out, well except for when I am really angry about something re: coming out and then I am hyper intentional and careful with myself. And...finding other ways to cope and face internal pain is SOOOOOO worth it. I also thought of a couple people I have known who have cut or self harmed when I saw this. One person in particular....who I hope is taking care of herself! And whoever this postcard was written for, I also hope that they share their demons.....with someone!


Anonymous said...

I saw this card the other day at postsecret too and but it still takes my breathe away every time I look at it. I think no matter what, the idea of cutting will always "flash" through my mind during tough times. The last time I cut was October 21, 2006. But even still, it's always there. It's just a coping mechanism that my mind occasionally wants to turn to because it has worked in the past.

I no longer think of cutting because I'm gay. If anything, I am thankful for being unique and I think my life would have been horribly boring if I were straight. It's hard for me to discuss why I think of cutting nowadays too.

Anyway, self care is great. When the idea enters my mind, I think of ways to pamper myself instead. Sometimes when the pull is strong, I just gut it out for the day and wait until the feelings subside. My mind can usually put things in a better perspective if I give it enough time or make a conscious effort to do so.

It's good to hear that you are also taking care of yourself and happy to be alive, as stated in the next post. For years, I never like who/what I saw in the mirror. But since I've accepted myself, for the first time in my life I'm happy too.


just me - titration said...

ms26! Your comment caused this nice long sigh in me. Like "exactly!" that's how it is. It's nice to feel "gotten". :) Thanks for commenting and I too am glad to hear you are happy....to be alive...

Anonymous said...

I am really drawn to your comment that your cutting thoughts these days center on virginity. I want to comment on that, but don't know where to begin. Could you sometime say more about that so I can more actively respond, and collect my own thoughts on the subject???

Anonymous said...

oohh boy. i can't believe i JUST saw this post of yours... i love that postcard... love it... makes me cry.