- I have tried to stop being attracted to women in general.
- If someone offered me the chance to be completely heterosexual, I would accept the chance
- I wish I weren't lesbian/bisexual
- I feel that being lesbian/bisexual is a personal shortcoming for me
- I would like to get professional help in order to change my sexual orientation from lesbian bisexual to straight
- I have tried to become more sexually attracted to men
- I often feel it best to avoid personal or social involvement with other lesbian/bisexual women
- I feel alienated from myself because of being lesbian/bisexual
- I wish that I could develop more erotic feelings about men.
After group one of the group members and I went out to a place that is known as a lesbian type restaurant and bar for appetizers. It's actually a place I have felt scared to go to. But "e" told me that being scared of this place was like being scared of puppies, so I went. It was that scary at all. Although I made totally sure I wasn't the first to arrive. We talked a good while about christianity and religion and her being curious about finding a church. It seems hearing me talk, and other friends of hers who go to church, has caused her to want to check out spirituality. She wants to go to a church that would accept her though. I was really glad that I could invite her to that new church (the open reconciling one) that I've been enjoying. Thank God I live in a city!
The tie-in to internalized homophobia is that I wonder how a churches stance on homosexuality would impact someone's internalized homophobia? I have been very clear in group discussions that I am a christian and am keeping my beliefs even though it's hard sometimes to put these things into dialog. This has brought out conversations about church and christianity. I think the first time I talked about my own faith, verses how hard it feels to come out to family, one of the leaders said in a bit of a surprised tone: "So you are a christian then?". And I said, "Yes I am." I think God and faith are big enough and can have enough spaciousness to hold (contain) all that is me whether I can explain it or not. Still it's not always easy and I am ever more aware of how "the church" can cause someone to be unsure about seeking spirituality of a Christian variety. Over and over again I come back to the book "Leaving church" by Barbara Brown Taylor where she says "True salvation is divine spaciousness in tight places!" I love that!