Thursday, October 11, 2007

Happy "Coming out day!"

It's national coming out day today. And speaking of coming out my parents called me last night to make an appointment to drive to meet me and "talk" about my being gay. This makes them anxious and me anxious I'm sure. But lately I've been thinking a lot about fear and asking them to name their fears. I bet that some of the things they fear are really unfounded. So far that's all I got. That and my intention to write out the things I need to be clear about before I go. O and the intention to breathe. I may forget to do that. :)

O here are some more resources for people coming out:

My friend freyasings sent me this because it's coming out day. It's something a friend of hers posted somewhere. So I share it with you. :)
Some of us have to choose to come out every day. In our desire to be the full embodiment of the gift God made us to be, we have to make choices. Will I be my best Black self today - or will I be silent. Will I be my Lesbian self today or will I try to pass as not gay. It's always about the choices, many times not even consciously.

And for me, underneath those choices is the shame. We have learned the shame. We have learned the shame better than we have learned anything else. The feelings of being "less-than", not "normal", "invisible" are manifestations of the shame. Some of us try to numb out the shame, while others have it buried so deep inside we don't dare get too close to it because then we can't control it. And all the while it's eating at our very souls. "Like acid on metal"-someone said last night.

We weren't born with shame. We are carrying someone else's shame. It's a sibling, parent, neighbor, teacher, church, or government's shame. Someone else's idea of what "normal" is because for them, same gender loving isn't a natural attraction!

As each and every one of us consider and remember who we are and whose we are, maybe today is the day we decide that carrying around someone else's shame isn't serving us anymore. Give it back to them! And maybe today we can begin filling that very large space with love for ourselves. Just as we are.

O one last side note....last night I dreamt I got married to a girl I know. And we met for the first time on the day of the wedding. Um. What! How weird is that!


Cheryl said...

You didn't mention when your meeting with you folks will be, but I'll be sending good thoughts for you to be strong and confident and unashamed whenever it takes place. Remember, you are an adult, and you want a good relationship with them as an adult... not one in which they're might try to scold and control you like a child.

Dang. I wish I'd have a dream like that... or at least one about the honeymoon. :)

just me - titration said...

We are meeting Oct. 27 in the morning. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

O and on the dream I awoke before we were finished getting married...

T. Trist said...


Here's a great contribution from two lesbian women to commemorate the National Coming Out Day:
The Ultimate Coming Out - Wow!

You can also go directly to Their story will be told in a documentary film. I feel this will be groundbreaking for the GLBT community.