Thursday, October 18, 2007

50,000 things in my head

I can't possibly blog about all the 50,000 things in my head. And even my smallest hopes for my blog to be some sort of outlet are unrealized right now. It's like trying to use a bucket to stop a flood. But I shall try anyway. Usually in this case I write poetry and make art. But I'm in a hotel room sans-my paint brushes, and oddly enough I want to make lists instead of write poetry so here's my list of just a few of the 50,000 things I'm thinking about.
  • Tonight after the conference I decided to hang out with myself instead of socializing. I spent almost two hours in a feminist bookstore where I purchased the book "My Child is Gay, How parents react when they hear the news". Then I went out to eat by myself to this really cute little Italian restaurant where I read it while eating dinner. It was a very SARK moment :). I was proud of myself. I felt so sad while reading the book, and yet I am glad I got it. I have decided I will give it to my folks when I talk with them on the 27th of this month. It may make them feel less alone. I also realized from this book that one of the questions parents ask is: How do you know you are gay? Um. So I'm practicing how I want to anwser it if that comes up. So much to say yet so many things I would rather not have to explain.

  • I have found a new counselor. Woo hoo. As far as first sessions go, I like her and like the office, the lgbt center here where I live is AMAZING and that's where we get to meet. It's the nicest counseling office I've ever been in. Where with my christian counselor I found it so hard to say anything about sexuality with her I just spewed all the fears I have about this upcoming conversation and my struggle being gay and christian. She asked good questions like: What are your options if....? Can someone go with you? And more that I'm trying to remember.

  • I've been thinking about hopes and fears for my family. Can we talk about our hopes and fears? I would guess their hopes for me are the same as mine with the exception of the gender of the person I'd want marry. I'd imagine their fears are for things that are unfounded. eg., Not loving Jesus or promiscuity's. Speaking of sex. I saw this book in the bookstore called "Virginity or Death" I think it's this article about the HPV vaccine. There was a line in it that said "Faced with a choice between sex and death, they (right wing christians) choose death every time." I think this is true.
  • Tony and Peggy Campolo's talk on homosexuality (from It's really good! REALLY good! As far as white male christian theology guys go I totally dig Tony (and Peggy). I also dig Greg Boyd. Of course I've met Tony Campolo, and I have never met Greg Boyd. But I think that Tony wins. (not that this is a popularity contest of course). Nor that they would even care that a lesbian christian likes them but you know... :) O and to give credit where credit is due jj blogged about it first. [listen to the discussion here]

  • Speaking of Greg Boyd: In my feed reader his RSS feed has the same title as a lesbian blogger I read. I think this is funny! And I was in a christian bookstore the other day looking for the book "Letters from a skeptic" because I feel a bit the "skeptic" these days and I've heard good things about it. The woman lectured me on it because "Greg Boyd is into open theism". How awful that they would keep me from the one book I think could be approachable because of their judgments of "open theism". Even trying to connect with God has to be done "right way" for some people, which pisses me off! Greg Boyd is not that liberal at all. He makes some sense in a world where a lot of what I hear doesn't. I have no idea what he thinks of homosexuality but...

More later.... because there's so much more there.

1 comment:

Zuzu said...

That's a great question... "how do you know that you're gay?" It seems that it's nicely countered with the question, "how do you know that you're straight?" And if they say, "but you've never dated a man, so how do you really know?" So then you turn to your dad and say, "so that's how you know that you're heterosexual, you went on a date with a man to be sure that you weren't gay? What was that like for you?" And of course, if your dad hasn't dated a man and your mom hasn't dated a woman, then they are telling you that they're not really certain that they're straight. Does being gay and not knowing that you are make it any different? I know.. these are mental gymnastics on the point... but I think sometimes the answer is, "I know and I can no more explain it than I'm sure that you can explain how you know that you are heterosexual. It's about who you are and how you feel and what you know to be true about yourself." You don't have to have an answer for all their questions. - Zu