This was the post that caused me to start writing on this blog. I hid it in my blog because it was the only time I failed in stopping myself from cutting in the last 8 years and I was really embarrassed. I have written articles about cutting. I talk to other people about stopping cutting, how could I fail?
Today I was reading another girls blog about cutting who zuzu pointed out to me and I realized again that we are all human and my self-harm activities this last christmas don't mean I am less healthy and whole these days. One doesn't mean the other! In fact a need to hide or be perfect makes me more likely to cut not less likely. In healing the journey sometimes is great and you go for years not ever cutting. And sometimes you go for years not thinking about it. But just because I (or anyone reading this) falls back to their thing (whatever that is for you) doesn't mean you weren't doing a good job. It doesn't mean you are suddenly back to level "0", it doesn't mean you are (or I am) bad or worse nor does it negate all the time you have been able to not cut (or whatever addiction you have... drink smoke...)
And so nope I haven't attempted to self-harm since Christmas. But I have thought about it some lately while in this whole new dating thing.
All I can do is continue to give myself grace and let others give me grace. And at the same time continue to seek out things that help like: truth telling, blogging, talking about what's going on in my life, chocolate, exercise, rollerbladding, reading books that make me think differently, wrapping up in blankets, watching clouds, eating chocolate, making lists of things I'm grateful for, taking lots of deep breathes, meditation, yoga, did I mention chocolate yet? And much much more!
And seriously if you are currently cutting and haven't seen a counselor or gotten help I beg you to go do so!
2 comments:
In my honest opinion, and I apologize for not being totally knowledgeable on this, my ex-girlfriend used to cut when she was 23, and I was 19. I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought she wanted to commit suicide, but she didn’t. She said that the physical pain felt so much better than the emotional pain that she felt from childhood. Luckily, for me, she was a communicator and talked it out with me.
But, I don’t see it any different than those nervous ticks, such as biting nails, ripping off cuticles until they bleed, picking at scabs or other things that drive a person to mutilate themselves out of emotional comfort.
I think you’re doing a great service by blogging about this, because there are so many people with this problem.
Thanks for the comment and encouragement. Yes being able to talk about it does help. Glad she was able to talk to you.
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