Alright it's a two-blog-post day! So I just got in this fantastic conversation with a co-worker in my department. It started by him asking me how I am because I've been quiet lately. To which I said I am finding it increasingly difficult to say how I am, so I just have been quiet. He went on to try and guess why. He didn't really... but in the midst of it he said "You look happy lately". He is the second person in my department who knows nothing of this journey to say this exact thing! I guess even the act of emailing people agrees with me.
I also lamented to him on how unproductive I've been lately at work due to this unnamed new stuff in life, and how my over active sense of guilt is speaking to me. To which he countered with "Even the earth needs a fallow period." And I need to just live, and let myself be happy, and not get all bent out of shape re: my lack of productivity. To which I felt some sense of grace in spite of the fact that I still want to be a good steward of my work. I still want to do a good job.
And speaking of that. I have a phone call with my vocational coach today. I think I shall have to talk to him about my productivity. I am ok with some time of fallowness for the work of re-equilibrating part of self takes a lot of brain power. AND sometimes you just need to say "Dear one, get your butt in gear! You can be fallow but not 24/7!"
People think I look happy. :) That makes me grin. It's fun to have a secret no one knows sometimes.