This morning I could make up a pretend pscyhological diagnosis for myself of email-social anxiety disorder. :) I feel this anxiety that is not synced up with reality when I email someone and when I wait forever for them to email back, and wondering if I said the wrong thing, etc.
I hate that I'm a novice. I get that everyone has to start somewhere, but I really really feel quite awful. Four or five day wait between emails makes me think they aren't interested in emailing or me. Although I keep being told some people want to go slower and they are not always around email like I am. I feel anxious that people aren't going to like me because of my faith or my inexperience, or because I email too fast or because I say the wrong thing. I think one person stopped emailing because she didn't like the movies I do. How lame. And I feel anxious that I told someone everything I was wearing. They asked. And I don't know how to titrate (I love that word) how much to share. Since I tend to be able to tell everything to people pretty quickly. And I get that's not so safe, at least emotionally. And since I'm spewing random anxieties, I hate withholding and being cryptic. Not that I really am but there is some early crypticness in the mix.
This will pass I'm sure. I get the big picture. But today I am anxious and it's probably for no reason. Two people emailed me this morning. They both seem nice and neither is long distance.