Yesterday I went back to my old church because I had a lunch date with a friend afterwards. She's been on the leadership team and very involved. In the midst of it I think I finally came to a place of peace regarding "breaking up" with this church. I also think I need to be brave enough to to tell the pastor in person. I'll tell him that it hasn't been because I haven't been cared about at this church. Quite the opposite I have been amazingly cared about by my old small group. It's not that I don't think some things the church is doing are great.
When it comes down to it, I can't serve at this church and my gifts are not going to be welcome if I am in a relationship. It's too risky for the church to do anything but let me only attend.
The pastor this Sunday preached about how Jesus loved and spend time with the marginalized first before the religious leaders. It's this monologue I've heard before. Come as you are! Jesus loves you as you are. Jesus would be hanging out with people church people wouldn't. Jesus would be loving them.
These marginalized people however are often assumed to be non-christian or something like that. It felt like there was an assumption that there's only religious leaders and "the shunned people". What about people who are right in the midst of you. Who are both. Who are already saved and changed and marginalized? This is where the church is all tripped up in itself.
So if any of you two old small group people are reading this. I love you. You are and will continue to be amazing. I will still be connected to you. But, I am off now to a new church.