Crushes can be like green ooze. Sometimes crushes, even when I have sortof killed them, even when they need to be held back because the other person is not interested or "side b" (celibacy or close to it) there can be some seepage of that ooze. Sometimes even old crushes ooze into my mind space. I picture this green ooze coming in just a tiny bit through a crack between the wall and the floor.
I actually wrote an hour ago that "this ooze, no matter who it's regarding, is still unwanted, even though I'm not trying to "change" or avoid my feelings. And it's not easy to stuff ooze back through the crack, being so semi-liquid like and messy." And then sometime in the last hour I realized that maybe I need to re-story this green ooze. None of the green ooze moments I'm talking about are anything serious or worth freaking out about. Everyone crushes on one or more people from time to time with nothing coming of it. It can mean anything from thinking someone cute, to a short season of thinking someone the best thing "ever". But it is kindof like mind candy, a very gel-like slippery kind.
I just realized how much I judge this green ooze and maybe if I let it be playfully there like the kids toy I have visualized it as, that would be better for me. Nope green ooze is not sustaining, nor solid but it's also human and not malevolent. hmmm. I have friends freaking out about their crushes and I don't know if I want to be like that. I also don't know what to think about green ooze moments now that I am not trying to scrape them up and dispose of every bit of slickeryness (no that's not a word I thought it sounded cool). :)
Is this a weird way of thinking about a crush?