When I was young, perhaps in 9th grade, my youth group was studying the biblical book of Romans chapter 7. There is a verse that says " I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." And during that time I memorized a poem. It went like this. "Two natures beat within my breast. One is foul the other is blessed. The one I love, the one I hate. The one I feed will dominate."
Tonight I was thinking about both this passage of scripture and the poem and it felt true. Today I turned what was normal feelings it was OK for me to feel (anger and sadness) into a bigger mess by emailing some stuff I shouldn't have.
This year especially I know I should stop and not email when in pain.
No matter, I voiced anyway
What I long to have seen and see is invisible
What I long to hide and have hidden is in full sight
And so I confess I judge others sometimes.
I say things that hurt them.
And I wonder now why
even when I try with all my might
And then I remember Romans 7
that bible study from yesteryear
I hope that as I feed my heart and mind
That I veer towards things aright.