Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Burning books and letters

Burning letters: I've found it cathartic at times when I am really angry to write my anger out and then burn the paper it was written on. There is something appropriate about those types of flames and the fact that it feels like the anger metaphorically and literally burns out. Some how my anger is less when I am done.

Burning books: This is very embarrassing to admit, but when I was a freshmen in high school I found a satanic bible in my school library. I don't know why they had it there, but I thought I needed to save people from reading it. So I stole it.

I know it's rather ironic to steal in order to do what I thought was a good deed. But after that I didnt' know what to do with it. I thought it was evil, so I burned it in my backyard. Ironic? It somehow all made sense to me at the time.

Now add to this the fact that some conservative christian circles have in the past, and still, burn anything deemed "bad". I remember going to a conference when I was in late elementary school about how bad rock-n-roll music was. Thankfully my family left and did not go burn any tapes or records. Remember the movie "Footloose"? They all went and burned perfectly good novels.

So all these memories were brought back to me this weekend when I saw some books I own and thought, I'd like to burn those.

I was going through some of my old stuff this weekend because a truck is coming for items I want to get rid of. And in the process I came across five books that have to do with healing from homosexuality. One of the most blatant examples is the book: Love Set in Order by Mario Burger. It's a book that tells his story about how he is no longer gay.

Anyway I gathered these five books and decided I didn't want to give them away. I don't think I want anyone else reading them. And I couldn't just throw them away somehow. Honestly my first thought was, hmmm, it would feel pretty cathartic to have a bonfire with these.

No I haven't burned them. I can't figure out if my desire to have a bonfire is ok or not. I mean these days I would never go steal anything because I thought it was bad in order to burn it. So why would I burn these. But, I guess I am not stealing these books. I already own them. And perhaps my desire to burn them is more my expression of needing a release similar to when I burn an angry letter to let go of it.

Is there ever any reason to burn books? I'm just curious what you think. Of course that is, after you get over judging me silently in your head. ;)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

burn them!! :)

some thoughts that may or may not connect at all:

when going through old stuff i have also left some books out of the donation pile just so that others would not get a chance to read them. i had deemed them crap in my head. i didn't burn them, but i think i threw them away.

my family has a bonfire every year. one year my bros went to the library and took the entire donation box just so they could burn something besides wood. i think it was the feeling of doing something wrong that excited them. i took out all the childrens book, but then just watched them do it. i secretly enjoyed it too.

i once took a childrens book about brave witches that was covered with spaghetti sauce out of the garbage. my roommate threw it away because she felt it brought uncomfortable spirits into the house. i hid it on my shelf (which was in the same room she slept in.) :)

when i graduated from my catholic school in the 8th grade i burned my student planner, religion textbook, and a pair of my uniform pants. that was EXTREMELY cathartic. so much so, i still remember it.

besides the fact that all of those stories probably make me contradict myself...

if it is something that will be meaningful and helpful to you, go for it. just be careful...please don't burn your house down.

-b

Zuzu said...

I'm with B - burn 'em. I think it's entirely different burning something you own versus burning something you appropriated from a library or a public-use facility.

The other option, I suppose, is donating them to your church library - in the event someone else is interested and you can save them the $$ of buying them and earning the authors another red cent.

-Zuzu

Anonymous said...

h i forgot to add the best one...

i one time stole a book from a church off of their bookshelves and slipped it into my coat when no one was looking. it was all about the biblical basis for the woman's place in the home. i didn't want some sorry excuse for a man finding it and using it as justification for his oppressive actions. or even worse, some woman finding it and thus limiting her place in this world because of what some other nut job interpreted as biblical...

i did dramatic readings of the book to some friends and then promptly tossed it...

wow, after typing out some of my actions i am thinking i need to go see my nearest librarian for confession so i can get some absolution for all my books sins...

-b

titration said...

b and zuzu thanks for your comments. Both made me grin. So interesting what burning means etc. what we save and what we burn in life.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, b, I never knew you were such a bad-ass. I feel so shallow in comparison - all I ever stole was makeup from the store. No deeper meaning there. Now it makes me want to go do something that makes more of a statement than "I like to look pretty."

-tc