The topic of Christian's and Judgment is probably worth writing an entire book about. I could call it "the psychology of judgment in the church". Perhaps if I get a ph.D in religion and psychology someday I shall write that book. But for now...a sortof rant.
Today during church and last night over cranberry wine and an amazing cranberry and brie cheese appetizer (thanks, S) I have been thinking about Christians and judgment. I've been thinking about this topic because of hearing of how some christians go about it, because of certain evangelicals saying judgmental things on TV, and because of some comments from my extended family over christmas this year about liberals and homosexuals and hell. Now my extended family wouldn't say these things in front of someone who was liberal or gay, they say they would love them, I suppose. Hmmm. (Side note: never assume you are with people who think exactly like you! :)
Typically people judge because they are afraid, feel voiceless and powerless, or because they have been judged. It's a psychological protection mechanism. In a good way it can propel someone to voice when they wouldn't normally. It also can help you feel less fear when you counter it with anger. But it is not love! But it's pretty normal. Everyone judges sometimes. I try to remember this so I don't judge people back for being judgmental.
But lately as I've been reflecting on homosexuality christianity I have started to wonder if , beyond scripture and beyond politics, there's something just "off" that has caused this part of the christian population to voice so much judgment.
I thought of this as well when watching the moving "Saving Face". The judgment that passed from Father to daughter, and then from that daughter to her daughter mirrored the judgment that is (sometimes) in more conservative Christian families when someone does something considered inappropriate. It seems a judgment and fear of being shamed. eg. "They will think if my daughter is _______ that I am _________ . Do groups of people that are more fearful of shame judge more?
The only way I know how to counter judgment is in prayer. What people of faith seem to forget is that judgment get's in the way of healthy relationship with God, growth, and healing. Judging isn't justice and in the long run I've never seen it change anyone else. It only causes them to judge you back.
For times when I've felt judgmental in the past this is the prayer that I have found helpful. This is the type of prayer that christian's don't seem to ever pray though. After my thoughts of this week I wish they would.
God, I was deeply hurt angry when ______ (describe the details of the situation, including the helplessness and powerlessness – talk about it until it feels emotionally connected). I have judgments and bitterness towards ______ as a reaction to being wounded, as a reaction to being judged (include this if it fits), and as a way to protect myself from the painful emotions – especially from feelings of fear, powerlessness and helplessness. I ______ (describe your judgments and bitterness. For example “I hate him/her. I believe s/he is stupid, selfish, wrong, and cruel. . . There is no excuse for __________, and s/he deserves to be punished. I believe that I would be better than him/her if I had their life, etc.” Talk about it until it feels emotionally connected).
“I do want protection from situations where I am hurt, powerless, and helpless, but I don’t want this judgment, condemnation, self-righteousness and bitterness towards ______ to hinder my relationship with You or my healing, and I am ready to release and renounce this attempt to use judgment and bitterness to protect myself. I ask for Your protection, and also for the discernment and grace to participate in Your plans for my care. I accept that You don’t guarantee that I will never be hurt, powerless, and helpless, or never feel shame, and I ask You for the grace and strength to be faithful to You in what happens in life. Help me to stand straight in my honest pain when I am hurt, powerless, and helpless. “I confess this judgment, condemnation, self righteousness, and bitterness towards ______ as sin. I confess that I don’t have the right or ability to judge ______. I ask Your forgiveness for this judgment, condemnation, self righteousness, and bitterness. I renounce this judgment, condemnation, self righteousness, and bitterness. I am willing to forgive and release ______’s sins against me. I acknowledge that I cannot change my own heart and mind. I ask You to give me true repentance – I ask you to give me Your heart, Your mind, Your truth, and your compassion, humility, and forgiveness towards regarding _____. Lord, I cannot free myself, but I am willing to be freed. I cooperate with Your desire to free me by consenting to Your work in my heart. “I specifically release and renounce using this judgment, condemnation, self-righteousness, and bitterness to protect myself from painful emotions, especially powerlessness, and helplessness.
4 comments:
people judge what they are afraid of.
fear can be very debilitating. to the person fearing and to the people around that person.
Well said. It's like it's contagious. Hence mob mentality.
I'm a little torn on this.. about where it fits and what is really "tolerable" and frankly, "forgivable." Say I "fear" black people because they're "different" from me and I fear difference so I judge black people.. at some certain point you have to say, "you're wrong. Your fear is wrong, childish, ignorant and backwards and we're not forgiving you for your stupidity it's time to osteracize you and people like you such that we make it perfectly clear that your backwards thinking is no longer socially tolerable."? I feel this way about Christian homophobia among other things. For myself, I feel if Christians as a group doesn't denounce this institutionalized hate mongering, then, as a group, we should deem the no longer socially acceptable. People either need to step up and change this or begin leaving the church in droves - take their faith and build alternative churches based on love - intolerant of that kind of hate. And while I use homosexuality as an example, it's merely an example.. the hate mongering extends beyond that one issue. But, well, you know I know that's not realistic for soome people (for reasons I will never wholly understand, frankly - but I'm okay with that.. with not wholly understanding.) But when it comes down to brass tacks I think that through our own actions and inactions we only have ourselves to blame when our own genocide occurs.
I think this is why I differentiate between corporate and personal AND judging emotionally and justice. I need to flesh this out a bit more I think. For me personally judgment gets me emotionally and psychologically stuck. Hmmm. Zuzu you sure do make me think! :)
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