There is so much to a person or in life, to be sure than my myopic focus of this blog thus far! As I have been processing more overtly in the last few months I have been reminded of this fact multiple times. It's a good reminder. Sometimes I think processing is like that game where you try and hit the chipmunk that pop's out of a hole. You pound on what's sticking out in life maybe. Another analogy is that the other nails in the house that is my life have been nailed in pretty well I think. The nails sticking out are the only ones I notice. They show what's unfinished. I wonder if thus far if this blog has been a big hammer?
Although the following list of things relates to all my blog posts thus far it is a bit more of a bigger picture. And today it soothes me greatly to list some more of the depth and complexity I have been thinking about. Many of these things are from psychology.
- Twinship needs (A theory by psychologist Heinz Kohut -- post Freud) Twinship is something everyone needs. It is in some a stronger need than others. And the quick summary of it is a need for someone who is "like me". Google Kohut or maybe even twinship needs to know more.
- Transference and Projection. Freud and others talk about this. Recently I wonder if I have been thinking more about sexuality than about all the other million areas of life because I knew someone recently that had such a strong sexuality that I picked it up and was affected by it.
- The biology of a crush. I don't know much about this but I heard that crushes are a biological phenomenon. And I was told there is some book that talks about the biology of a crush. I haven't found it yet.
- General physical, mental, emotional development and maturity. Not always, but generally as people mature they are more attracted to the opposite sex. Although this is likely not true for everyone but I do wonder if I am just a bit delayed sometimes?
- General biology. Is there a gay or straight gene? etc. How does our physical body interact with our identity to form who we are?
- Kinsay scale. Where someone falls as far as their attraction to men or women.
- Abuse history. Sexual abuse can affect someone's attraction. Some women who have been abused by men fear and hate men so much they wouldn't ever be attracted to one. Women are safer for them. With counseling this can change. Abuse and family history can affect a whole person let alone their attractions.
- Emotional dependence and attachment style. I did a project for school once where I talked about how people confuse emotional dependence, co-dependence, attachment issues, something called a "love addiction" and attraction all the time. I would go looking for more links on these but I don't have time. We need relationships. But what's healthy and what's not is confusing and I think most people are trying to figure this out.
Books that I have read or am reading to deepen and widen my understanding of what it means to be human, me, relational, and healthy. And probably to help me figure out what's attraction and what's all that other stuff. All these books are great. If I had more time I'd add amazon links and finish looking up the authors.
- How to be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo -- because it talks about mindfulness, mindful loving, health and autonomy
- Passionate Marriage
- Saying what's Real
- Non-violent communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D
- The journals of Thomas Merton
- The dance of connection by Harriet Learner
- The developing Mind by David Siegel
- Parenting from the inside out by David Siegel (I am a huge fan!)
- And one novel which I read often Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. This is probably my favorite book. :) And I like it just because it's about truth telling in all of life. I re-read it recently and it's great.
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